A most powerfully healing creative moment for me, perhaps ever!! I am blown away.
Here is the story: My younger daughter has been resisting cleaning her room for months now, and we have had many struggles. Her resistance has gotten so big, I had gotten to the point where I could barely ask her. Tomorrow she has a party, and it was time she finally pick up her room, only, this time, I couldn't even remotely imagine fighting the fight to get it done, which the last time left me angry and her lying on her floor having done nothing, even with my help. So, feeling anxious, and crying softly to myself, so done with this same old story, I went to paint.
She was so angry that I wouldn't help her, but I knew I couldn't handle being in her resistance this time. So, I just painted and painted, while she expressed pain and resistance, and I kept encouraging her to find out what her ten-year-old self was made of, for her to do it on her own, and fall in love with her room, and her space, and that she had it in her to do it, without me doing it all.
For two hours she resisted and begged me to help. I just couldn't, as I knew her resistance would have me yelling and drained of any life-force, and that I would end up doing the entire thing. She kept trying to start, and just couldn't overcome her resistance. It got so bad that the craziest thing happened. Her older sister offered to help!!! This was a MIRACLE. She rejected the help at first, but later, when she knew I really wasn't going to budge and do it for her, she asked her older sister to help. They literally cleaned the room in 20 minutes, and it was soooo incredibly sweet and kind, and they both worked together. All the while I was painting, and had just kept focused, wondering a few times if I should just give in and go do it for her. I am SOOOO glad I stayed true to me, and chose not to fight, but to stay strong in what was expected! Staying true to me, my girls found the resources to help each other, and show up and get it done, without me having to be the captain of the ship shouting orders, and being completely drained and sad.
Art was my salvation tonight. It focused me into well-being and trust, and it allowed forces besides me to come into play, so that I didn't have to control the entire universe. We all won. I didn't end up angry and yelling. My youngest got help cleaning her room, and I was able to shower my oldest with such humble respect, saying, 'you completely showed up for our family and we truly needed you, and thank you from the bottom of our hearts for being there for us.' My oldest was beaming. She even came over and hugged me--another miracle. Tonight art brought us all to a new place.
I just couldn't fight one more time. I knew how it was going to end if I went near the room, and I never thought in a million years it would end up with such a surprise joy. And funnily enough, as art surely imitates life, this painting went through some ugly stages, but ended with vibrance and aliveness for me that makes me smile.
The painting is a sun underneath some flowers, and I love how I was inspired to paint flowers blooming out of the sun.
I love how art slowed me down not to have to know what to do, but to allow something to unfold differently for us. Such beauty tonight.
These words were written on a facing page in my notebook that were going through my mind and heart, especially after the magical ending.
Trust all is well.
I don't have to know right this red-hot moment.
Open my heart.
Self-love opens doors.
Choose well-being instead of fighting.