Skip to main content

Day 3 in the Wild-erness

                                           Photo found Here

Day 3 is making me curious about a world I've never truly been a part of before.

When it comes to working in the real world, I would say I've been sleep walking on the hamster, setting out to achieve goals truly to find external value, to be adored, to have security, to have my worth reflected through meeting deadlines, following rules and making my way in the possible ways of the world.

Several years ago, when I found myself dead to life, with two beautiful little girls, whatever shred of aliveness that kept me minimally animate, fired up into a little bit of righteous anger, which was perhaps the first bit of fire I'd felt truly coursing through my veins. I had no idea what it meant at the time, but I acknowledge that it helped to prop me up a bit more, and at least gave me what I needed to nurture little ones.

Having two little girls who sparkled, and a limping zombie as their mother was a picture I could not reconcile.

This horror film I was living helped me to begin to tell the truth and to reach out, and to seek others doing the same. I no longer was willing to hide behind my niceness.

Day 3 of writing has me thinking about what it feels like to get off the hamster wheel--to take your destiny in your hands, by showing up, not for the approval of others, but because I am listening to an inner voice I couldn't hear with all the noise.

This experiment is already making me think of our education system, and how we never turn to our students and ask them, what is it that lights them up, nor do we help them follow that spark.

Somehow our society has come to believe that a spark will burn down the system. I am feeling deep in my bones that our job as teachers is to help students identify the spark and to undo all conditioning that devalues the spark--to show students how the spark isn't counter to the current reality, but rather an invitation to find paths untraveled and to bring back what you have come to know through your travels to the community for collaboration and co-creation. It doesn't mean that you have to leave your city! That is the myth that needs to be debunked. It is done just by shifting perspective.

I believe that our kids can learn what they need to know, but have a deeper sense of why it is relevant with regard to creativity and innovation, community and connection, celebration and achievement, in a completely colorful world, where everyone must bring their gifts as they contribute their part to the whole.

I see my daughter comparing her test scores to all of her friends, and she won't hear a word from me about how it doesn't matter. I see how deeply enslaved, shamed, and afraid she is at 11 by not being good enough. There is scarcely room for creativity when her thoughts are so heavy. Righteous anger again, but a real sense of helplessness as she can't hear me through all the noise in her head, perpetuated in her classroom, pervasive with her friends. One of her friends continually asks her if her butt is too big. Over and over and over. Imagine the creativity and play that is loss in butt measuring!

So, how is this relevant to day 3?

Well, because it has taken me 38 years to send out rovers into my inner landscapes, to see what is contained within, and I realize how much of a ghost town it has been, and yet, within just a few days of dusting away the cobwebs and applying fresh paint, it feels already like Glinda the good witch is waving her magic wand and restoring the world to its former glory.

I know the amount of work it has taken for me to overcome my fears enough to show up here, and I know my mission is to help others to get here a lot quicker, but I must say that I know we can't do this alone.

It takes a village to help this kids wake up to the magic within.I hope my book will be a huge part of doing this, but I hope in the mean time, there will be many more of us writing about a path that is fueled from within, that is guided by questioning everything we've been taught or surmised about the world, and that is supported by mentors who have decided that being right and upholding the status quo is less important than looking in the mirror and questioning everything they've ever been taught or surmised about the world, and sending out the rovers...

I know how much my daughter values what her teachers tell her, and how they trump her crazy-out-there-unsolicited-advice-giving- mother.  I need people who my daughter will listen to, that get her and who want to see her fly without lead feet, and whose mere presence doesn't urge her to put fingers in her ears!

So, as I write, I realize that the good news is that I am being fueled from within, that nothing was lost in my 38-year absence, but that there is everything to gain by leaping into the void and trying my hand at flight, and that it is paramount that we as humans meet each other up there in the clouds, to feel and see the sparkles of the sun shining on us, and to detect an aliveness that is waiting to course through our veins and to heal our world.

Off the hamster wheel there is territory to be covered. Off the hamster wheel we use our physical, mental, spiritual and courage muscles very differently. Off the hamster wheel the discomfort we feel turns into pure possibility and connection, as we must commune with others and move past our limitations. Off the hamster wheel the world looks very different and is full of invitations for creation and awesomeness!


Popular posts from this blog

RIP Poltergeist

After over ten years of an incredibly intense journey as a seeker, I find myself lying fallow. Taking a rest. When I first discovered this uncomfortable fact — threat to the hamster wheel that was my spiritual rat race, I surrendered for dead, but something wouldn’t let that fact sit as truth. I was lying fallow, but this implied that after a good rest, fruit could follow. This had nothing to do with death.

I am humbled at the courage it takes to write. For many years I kept a blog read by only a handful of very supportive people, and you’d think that after sharing writing for so long with perfect strangers, writing would have gotten easier. Actually, it got harder. In fact, at one point I was so paralyzed, I just stopped writing altogether. It was just too vulnerable. There was no trust there anymore, and I attributed any courage I had had to my youthful ignorance.

However, life continues, as it inevitably does, and there is still this pang to write, and it grows stronger and strong…


Another painting I loved making. I had so much fun just layering paint and swirling about.

Adventure has been a big part of my world as of late. In fact, writing this after a long day of skiiing. Where I used to shy away from leaving the house, I've been doing the opposite. Finally really getting to know my beautiful state and bask in its beauty-- hiking to the top of many peaks--sometimes limping the last stretches back to the car. Took my girls camping on the beach without a 'man'  and was so proud when I got the campfire started multiple times. The girls had their doubts I could do it. It was nice to prove them wrong! My most favorite was the day I drove 5 hours to the closest passport office on a wing and a prayer to get a same-day passport (wing and a prayer because they tell you you can drive all that way, but that there is no guarantee they can/will help you) so I could accept an invitation to see the woman's soccer world cup, and within a week was in Vancouver…

All for one and one for all...

“All for one and one for all.” 
― Alexandre DumasThe Three Musketeers
I thought I would bid farewell to these 29 days with me and my girls taking in the sunset atop one of my favorite views.

This was drawn at a time when our little threesome became my sense of home and identity, and having these little ones, now big, by my side has given my life meaning and purpose, and has changed me in every way that is good.

This is how I want to go out, in the end, like watching the sunset with my girls--feeling the warm glow casting itself around the valley, lighting up eyelashes and strands of angel hair, until the light recedes and is no more.

Thank you to those who joined me on this journey. The gifts have been all mine-- to share my creations and to be met with such tender love and kindness. I honor you all as fellow creators and humans on the journey. It is a joy to call you friends.

I can't wait to be on the receiving end of your creations, and to keep a life-long sharing of our hearts…