Photo found here
Today is an exciting post for me, because it marks the beginning of a much anticipated creative project!
For some time now (like the last four years! ouch!), I have been having a strong nudge to leap into an imaginary realm of writing, and to create a novel for children/adolescents, along with a game based on the characters and their adventures, called Bloomtopia.
I finally feel ready to listen to this crazy notion, knowing that somehow this project holds keys for my sense of purpose, healing, and building my courage muscle to step into the unpredictable and the unknown, and to explore the caverns of my soul landscape and to bring about a worldly expression of it.
I have to say that the nudge to write for kids feels entirely out there to me, as though it couldn't possibly be coming from me! I wouldn't consider myself a children person. As a mother, I have often been at a loss to enjoy the chaotic, messy, and unpredictable world of children and play, and it has taken a ton of work to be able to let go and have some fun with my own kids, and to override the adult in me that wants to run a tight ship. I think I've had much more fun with other people's kids, where I haven't felt so attached to having to raise them.
Even as a kid I was much more of a little adult, not so much in wisdom, but in fear and worry. I was always looking to the future, and obsessively analyzing, learning and listening, at the expense of playing--so as to learn what not to do, what mistakes not to make--which made for a pretty unadventurous childhood.
Yet, although it seems counter intuitive to write for children, it also feels very right to venture there, that perhaps there are even parts of my own inner child to be reclaimed as I venture within. (fear as I write this!).
However, because it is a world that feels foreign to me, I am less able or likely to control the outcome. I feel more like I am opening a door to an unknown world and ready to report back what I find, having no idea what is in there. This feels freeing and exciting, and refreshing somehow!
As someone passionate about waking up the world to big Love, healing our perceptions to see our brothers/sisters as ourselves, supporting and celebrating our unique gifts, and helping each other move past our fears to realize our creativity as individuals and in developing our human potential and creating sustenance and expansion through teaching learning communities-- all for the creation of a new world--it is my intention that my writing explore these themes through the medium of story--which is about all of the structure I have planned!
I have told many a willing ear how much I desire to write a book to change the world, open perception, be compelling and fun to read, but fire up possibility and new vision in the reader, and this feels like the place to work for the moment.
I am learning that I need to embrace my own passion around Utopias, and let them bloom on the page, even if they seem far-fetched or silly!
When I originally came up with the title Bloomtopia, it summoned in me an imaginary realm where children were guided on magical adventures to learn about themselves and about each other. I have had notions of the children attending a soul school, perhaps even living up in treehouses, along with a lot of other bits and pieces of the puzzle that have been trying to assemble themselves in my psyche, but are still rather fuzzy. I will have to see what wants to go and stay. The good news is I feel ready to play the game of allowing something to appear on the canvas stroke by stroke.I am allowing myself to be a serious beginner, and to trust a connection that I've been forging for some time with something resembling a life-force that seems to have quite a clear intention for us, when we finally listen.
I could not begin to encapsulate in one post how much has been going on behind the scenes of my blog to ready me for this venture, but I will say it has included major writing block, finding love, losing love, finding it again, only to realize you cannot lose love-- embracing darkness and light, 'running' of a half marathon--I put running in quotes, because I was so slow, it could be debated if I was really running or not:). I have had moments where I've been uncertain whether my roar is that of a monster or a noble lion, and been very much challenged on the communication front. I did a poetry slam, and broke a record for time penalty:), and felt it when I lost the audience, but was unhindered by my lack of popularity-- although, I would have liked the prize which happened to be a night on the Oregon coast. Usually it is pocket change! Mostly I was excited at my ability to take up my little performance space with no fear of whether the audience liked me or not! Because I liked me anyway! I have also had a proportionate measure of laughing to crying, PMS and everything in between, wondering all the while, if I am allowing myself to be more human, or if without all the filters, I am just insane--or if letting the wild back in is just par for the course and that our natural state is roller coaster riding!
All the ups and downs have brought me to this experiment in creation--where I can give myself permission to fumble, to not know, but to keep going anyway, even if I suck! And I do this for all the children!! all those who haven't lived, all those who think they should know now! All those who've already stopped living because they've been to afraid to step out of line!
And I truly have no idea where this will go, but here is beginning!
And I truly have no idea where this will go, but here is beginning!
So, it seems I am finally ready to deeply commit to this project. I feel it in my bones! And I can't stop talking about it or declaring it, and it seems time to dive in, even if it makes no sense.
So, knowing myself and, well, after counting up all my false starts, I've realized that the only way I am going to hold myself accountable is to create a support system for myself, which I have been doing. I have close friends who will be asking me about my progress, and just today, with the collaborative conversation with my wise friend Julia, I've devised that I will be spending the next 40 days working on this project, without skipping a beat. I will be reporting about it daily here on my blog, and perhaps sharing excerpts, or linking to them.
That is big, but THIS IS HUGE!!!!!:
I will write every day for 15 minutes at 6:30am!!!!! That even hurt to write that. I am not a morning person, so, this tells me how much I want to do this. But somehow getting out for half marathon training showed me I can do things I was sure I couldn't!
I know, you think, 15 minutes is nothing. Big deal.
I have thought that too, especially since I have many times spent six hours straight on one piece at the piano, without even a break! But, I am starting small, chipping away at small chunks, before my mind can get in and undermine or sabotage the creative process. I know this is tender territory. I am trusting quality over quantity and showing up regularly over cramming. So, this is a whole new world! And who knows where it will go. Maybe it is about the novel. Maybe it is about finding out that I can spend 40 days and get nothing done, and will have to find a plan B. Only time will tell, but not if I don't try!
I have very few readers here these days, but the ones I have are gold, and I so welcome you as spectators and am excited to share this journey of mine with you. I know that you are more than just readers. You are my friends, and my co-creative cohorts, and I welcome your witnessing and sharing--whether it is holding me accountable, sharing your own journey,s and asking me to hold you accountable! cheering, or following my stages of creativity, because they reflect your own! I am open to all wisdom, all advice, all gifts, all manner of celebration, except for perhaps beer-pong, which is totally not my bliss;).
So, here we go, the launch of 40 days! Hallelujah!
So much love to you all!