Photo found Here Today there is a sense of focus and productivity that I have not experienced since I was in grad school. However, it feels different than grad school, as I was full of fear then. Right now, I feel like I am fueled with a deeper relevance of learning and growth that I have fostered and let in by jumping in certain ways out of the mainstream for a good while. This deeper relevance for learning directs me and keeps me focused on the productive thoughts as they pertain to meaning and purpose, vs. fitting in or upholding the status quo. It is keeping me strong. Yes, that would be the feeling. Strong. What the future holds doesn't seem to matter. There is only here and now. There is only getting in touch with deeper knowings that seem to grow clearer and more sure, as I give them more space to rise up and exist within me. It feels like a knowing akin to the animal world, that knows how to find higher ground when there is danger of a tsunami. It isn't a knowing

Hardest day to show up so far, but yielded the best results! Encouraging. Excited for the next week of writing. Won't write much here today, other than to say I did it!, as I'd rather Day 7  blog get the focus! Sending Love!

It has officially been a week! This is exciting! I soooo didn't want to show up today, but I am very glad I did. It has helped me to begin, by beginning each writing session with a five-minute brain dump. I look forward to the brain dump, because it is EASY, and that gets me to the computer, writing, and then after 5ish, I set out for work on Bloomtopia . Just writing the past several days has helped me to feel more and more into the part of me that has always held Utopian ideals. I've never known anything different than a distinct sense of possibility for growth and change, for release from our need to fight and bicker, and a return to a solid Love that acts as a healing force. I was SUCH a pain in the buttocks as a kid. I remember as a kid my mom getting mad about something and me going marathon distances to talk to her about it--to make peace out of the conflict. She is one of the few persons who would go the distance with me, to find a solid and deep connection that

                                                              Photo found Here Finding new constellations in the certain truths swirling about me like shooting stars.  I can't pin them down. I can't hold them in my hand. Yet, I can't deny their power. They are real. They rivet me to the spot, and lift my gaze to receive their splendor, even if I can't fully grasp their meaning from my vantage point. There is the promise of revelation. Seems day six has created an energetic polarity, sorting the relevant from the irrelevant. My gaze no longer wanders-- it zeroes in.

                                          Photo found Here Very meaningful writing time today! Was very touched, validated about the value of this project through a character that introduced herself:) Essentially, the main theme emerging was helping children learn that it is okay to be a beginner. A couple years ago I came across an old 1940's book by Imre Reiner, called Creative Desire , where he writes, 'In matters of art everyone has to begin at the beginning.' I could not stop reading this sentence over and over. It had never occurred to me before that I could be a beginner. Sure, I'd called myself that, but I'd never accepted it about myself. I always thought I was the fruit already plucked, and that any ripeness that ensued would be bonus. But what I read in this lost little out of print book, was that in matters of art--and I inserted, with art,  everything else in life -- we have to start at the beginning. Not like we have to, as in should, but

                                              Photo found Here                                           Just a quick check in today:) Lots of great ideas that I could dig, and possibilities for organization came through today! Very encouraging! I am realizing how important the 15 minute allotment of time is. First, I know I can do anything for fifteen minutes, so it gets me to begin. Second, I am not overwhelming myself with hours of writing that inevitably spiral myself into frustration and exhaustion. Like doing an ultra marathon, when you haven't even done a 5k. I used to sit down for hours to write, and by the end I'd be discouraged as I got mentally tired and would become more and more vulnerable to the monkey mind who had a lot of power to invalidate and talk me out of my ideas. Writing for 15 and not much more than that is keeping me focused and fresh, and trusting that the process is unfolding just as it should. I also added a 5-7 minute brain dump, just to e

                                            Photo found Here Day 3 is making me curious about a world I've never truly been a part of before. When it comes to working in the real world, I would say I've been sleep walking on the hamster, setting out to achieve goals truly to find external value, to be adored, to have security, to have my worth reflected through meeting deadlines, following rules and making my way in the possible ways of the world. Several years ago, when I found myself dead to life, with two beautiful little girls, whatever shred of aliveness that kept me minimally animate, fired up into a little bit of righteous anger, which was perhaps the first bit of fire I'd felt truly coursing through my veins. I had no idea what it meant at the time, but I acknowledge that it helped to prop me up a bit more, and at least gave me what I needed to nurture little ones. Having two little girls who sparkled, and a limping zombie as their mother was a picture I

                                                                                Photo found here I can certainly feel a release in it being day 2 and having survived beginning. What I am noticing is how powerful it is to write about this process and have others read it and even work along with me, rather than being on my own. It is feeling less a need to be held accountable, and more about truly feeling myself wanting to dive into the river and find my friends in there helping me to navigate the rough waters, and helping make the smooth part of the ride enjoyable too! I hadn't anticipated I would feel any of this joy, and certainly not so soon. This morning I had to put up birthday decorations, for my precious daughter who is turning the magical number 11! So, I didn't get to my writing until 7:45. However, I am okay with a degree of flexibility around the time, but determined to show up! And it feels like the forces are conspiring to keep me doing so. I am feeling a fo

                                          Photo found here Okay, so pure honesty here. I did get up to write at 6:30, but I stalled those 15 minutes of writing until 8:00, surfing social networks, email, etc. I was also a little miffed that I was awoken from a very interesting dream where I was interviewing for a job with a mentor and role model, who is my version of who I want to be when I grow up, and she was doing everything in her power to give me a very favorable offer! And I got woken up before I could hear her terms! Still, I knew I would be getting to writing,  and the coolness of the morning was very soothing and magical, and I am glad I got to watch and feel the sun grow brighter and warmer through the window. I also made for a soft entry: kept my laptop by my bed, so, warm under covers I could place it on my lap. The discomfort of beginning kept me 'cleaning house' so to speak, answering emails, forwarding interesting content to friends. Yet, the commitm

                                                                                                   Photo found here Today is an exciting post for me, because it marks the beginning of a much anticipated creative project! For some time now (like the last four years! ouch!), I have been having a strong nudge to leap into an imaginary realm of writing, and to create a novel for children/adolescents, along with a game based on the characters and their adventures, called Bloomtopia . I finally feel ready to listen to this crazy notion, knowing that somehow this project holds keys for my sense of purpose, healing, and building my courage muscle to step into the unpredictable and the unknown, and to explore the caverns of my soul landscape and to bring about a worldly expression of it. I have to say that the nudge to write for kids feels entirely out there to me, as though it couldn't possibly be coming from me! I wouldn't consider myself a children person. As a m

                                                                     All Photos in this post credit Armosa Studios Steve Schalchlin At the heart of us, We want to be free We want to express ourselves We desire to make a better world We wish to make a difference where we can We want to be seen, loved and encouraged We want to see, love and encourage We share the same heart. Imagine being in a sea of almost three thousand people from all over the world, focused in one heart—people who have worked hard to move past fear—fear of others, fear of differences; past cultural conditioning, past resistance to, and anger at the status quo—people who have chosen to lead with love, lean into the heart of possibility, creativity, and to bring their gifts into the world in concrete ways, making tangible differences that somehow serve to preserve beauty, lift up hearts and connect beings, all the while creating staggering innovation and possibility. This is what I found