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Experiencing Life Differently


Image by Moonchilde

In this moment, there is a familiar stirring. It comes from a clear place, a place of gratitude, love and acceptance, and it is telling me that it is okay to fall head over heels in love with all of who I am. It speaks of the possibility, if for no other reason than as a huge, indulgent gift to me--no need to earn it, to justify a reward. It is for free.

And there is nothing selfish about it, although, I know there are those who condemn this putting yourself first-- and heaven forbid falling in love with yourself. Yet, there are so many who do not condemn it, and I think they are becoming the rule more than the exception.

There are many who bless this process, because they see first hand, how their fear of putting themselves first, shut out life for them and their families, and in the end shut out life for everyone around them. It was a struggle to keep the candle lit, and it wore on everyone. They saw first hand how putting themselves in a place to be adored and expanded began to lead them to a place of having everything to give. Not just the appearance of giving as a martyr, and feeling as though no one really appreciates what you offer, but as a pure energy of joy. I am seeing everyday more and more, that when you give from a place wholeness, outside of the fear and restraints of a controlled way of loving and giving, it is received with a spacious joy! I think it is because you are giving the most beautiful gift you could possibly give-- blessed permission for others to feel, receive, and inherit joy!

This energy of falling in love with myself is so powerful to me, because this is the energy that stirs around me when I begin to see everything differently. I see how we are all pure love, just wanting to let go and be carried, wanting to share what we love, and what makes us tick, and to share our creations. I did this gratuitously in my birthday post!! which when I read, reminds me of the sweetness of who I am, when I am in love with my life--without all the trying to be somebody better, more professional, more intellectual, or more apologetic! Blah! Yuck. Can't do that. I'd rather just admit that I don't know anything, because everyday I learn something new, and I've found that, often, answers contradict. I'd rather aim for doing the best we can, and enjoying it a whole lot more by taking it step by step, instead of fighting over who is right. I love being wrong, because there is nothing to protect. 

I had an experience recently where someone was talking to me in a passionate way. I felt the pull of them wanting me to agree, or wanting something from me. I imagined a pair of huge scissors cutting the cord from my power region to theirs, and then I expressed that I felt that they needed something from me. They said they didn't. Then, feeling free, I listened, and you know what? When I didn't feel threatened, I heard their point, and more than that, it made sense! They also heard me.

I could see how we could build on this.

Fear breads war. Release breads connection and collaboration.

This falling in love same energy is the same feeling I begin to feel when I drop everything in the way of loving someone. There they are. They are so worth loving. There was never anything that could keep us separate. There is no way I could believe what the mind wants to tell me. There is no way I could let a problem keep us warring. It doesn't mean we have to spend all our time together, but there is always a gem there, hidden, and in my experience, any pain is always a reflection of what is going on inside of me. It would be there, even if they weren't there to expose it to me!

This is important, because it is giving me the courage to love boldly. Like my daughter, when she is afraid, it is knowing how to speak to her in a clear space, and not let my fear and her fear hang out together for destruction. It is asking her hard questions. Like when will she let go? It is letting go all along side her.

She comes to me for help with this from time to time now, because she wants to be relieved of all this human suffering. It is a beautiful thing when she tells me, 'mommy, I love talking to you about this, because you help me feel better!' HELLO! Can you believe this? This was my daughter who was wanting to run away from  me! (Thinking back, I would have wanted to run away too from my lack of clarity, my need for control, my race against the clock, my inability to flow with the goodness of life!) She seeks me out, because she feels freer. I can support her without my fear getting in the way, and if I can't fight my fear, I can just simply tell her if my fear is in the way! HUGE CLARITY THERE! WHEW! FINALLY!

This falling in love is important, because it is making me step out of my comfort zone-- to sit with a random stranger at the restaurant, and watch them become a cherished friend. That was fun! She and I still laugh about it.

This falling in love energy is important because it allows me to enter into the more poetic realms, to really hear the hearts of others. To partake of what others are willing to share, be it their music, their words, their art, their heart. I can see it, and I can see their soul displayed in their work. I can also feel their vulnerability as they speak about their work. Like the guitarist who thanked me for coming to hear his music, when it was I, who want to thank him for giving me the opportunity to receive his work. That was harder for him to receive. Why is it so hard to receive our own amazingness from others?! Mental note: make it my personal quest, to make people feel uncomfortable, by not side-stepping the honoring, until they can receive the light that they shine!

It isn't living until you can give and receive!

With less and less in the way, it is the way that my body opens to partake of sensations in experiencing--the music that I've never heard in that way, that lands right in my heart center and feels more like a complete physical experience, than just an singularly auditory experience. It connects me to the player, and to what his/her heart is singing in that moment. Chamber music this past year was like hearing something for the first time. It is effortless to engage, because everything feels new and rich, and like you've never tasted it before.

This place of deep love, stops me in my tracks to see what is around me, what is splendid. It gives me more wisdom of where things or people (including myself) are in their process of development, and it is okay wherever we are. It is a deep commitment to seeing the heart of the moment, but really, you are just shown, because you've decided to let go of all the usual limited filters that deaden what you see.

It is important, because it makes me willing and ready to listen to a friend's take on me, without feeling threatened. I don't care about being right, because again, any defense is an opportunity to explore what is at work within me.

Freedom isn't just a cool attribute, it is a beautiful rendering of love and life to be actually received within us, to be able to dwell within us--like we flip on receptors that have not been being used before that conduct new energies and create spectacular displays of light and color! It affects us in all ways and  always, and this shifts perception and opens up experience to see more than what we can with the naked eye. 

It is forever knowing that we are sacred and joined and all of one heart, and nothing else matters. All the surface stuff is where we focus, but it is really underneath that we find the magic. 

In that moment when we know that we are released, that there was never anyone watching us at all, judging us, waiting for us to get it right, to make the right choice. It is when we release and are released, and life rushes in, no matter what it looks like, and there is this stirring that it is all good, just as it has been. That our love has been pure, even if we have had grave doubts all the time.

None of this is a passing fancy. Our hearts are yearning to share this with one another. I am learning that the biggest barriers to this are where this opening to experiencing life in a different way is desired most. When there is much to protect, there is much fear.

In my world, I have become an energetic opener. I can't let elephants stand in the room without being noticed, and what joy when we begin to see them together. Sometimes this is spoken, sometimes it is just felt. Sometimes we squirm, but we don't suppress life. We open to it together.

I am forever looking at the ways I am suppressing life, and so thankful for the little pokes and prods from those around me, who see my limits or painful stories, or who are working through the same process, who help me to move more and more out of my comfort zone, until it feels comfortable.

I can't wait to share some of the moments where my comfort zone is being expanded. I can feel new life brewing!


Comments

  1. Good Morning Brooke,
    I was so happy to find a new post waiting for me as I sip my coffee and rub the sleep from my eyes.
    Your words always hold a treasure for me. They are like gifts waiting to be unwrapped.
    Loving oneself is a tricky matter. There are so many voices (including my own) who discourage this type of love simply because they (I) don't understand it fully.
    I have moments of clarity and vision but then the clouds move in obscuring my view of love.

    My favorite line you wrote was, "When you have nothing to protect, you have nothing to fear." I know you said it a bit differently but this is how I received it.
    Sometimes I think I should pack my bags and live here in Bloomtopia for a while. Maybe then I could hold onto more of what I'm learning.

    Sending love,
    Leah

    ReplyDelete
  2. "Freedom isn't just a cool attribute, it is a beautiful rendering of love and life to be actually received within us, to be able to dwell within us--like we flip on receptors that have not been being used before that conduct new energies and create spectacular displays of light and color!"

    Yes!

    Thank you for this beautiful, clear, inspiring message.

    Rock on!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ah...Brooke, you're such a wise one. There is so much (as always) here, here in your words, there in your heart, here in this space, here in this very moment.

    "It is forever knowing that we are sacred and joined and all of one heart, and nothing else matters. All the surface stuff is where we focus, but it is really underneath that we find the magic."

    Nothing else matters...so so very true.

    Thank you for sharing your heart, my friend. I love the way you show up so open and willing.

    Julia

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