The Beloved Within

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All this time, I couldn't help but think that the voice I was looking for-- loving, compassionate, understanding, encouraging and deeply gentle, would be found outside of me.

Imagine my surprise when this voice turned on inside of me.

Perhaps it has always been there, but I've just now begun to allow it in.

When I find myself taking refuge from a battle zone-- if I've lost my cool in the end, fought and maimed and joined in the warring, I hear it telling me, it is okay. All is well. You are Love, as if it truly knows me better than I. I feel myself responding by dropping a thousand pounds of fear and heartache, as if I've just seen my divinity. 

I let go of dragging the pain into the next moment--really let go.


When I find myself feeling a little lost, unable to move for the moment, because my head is spinning with noise, I hear the most darling of questions, oh, dear one, what deep thoughts are stirring within your beautiful depths?


I answer, oh, you know, saving the world, seeing through the eyes of love in each and every moment, make that nanosecond-- looking out for the mind and its snares, staying one step ahead of anger and blame. Hoping I'm doing it well enough. Hoping I'm healing more than I'm destroying. Wondering if I am missing something--two steps ahead or behind-- wondering if I'll ever find the end of the rainbow. Hoping today will be the day-- when all will be clear.


Then I hear such gorgeous ripples of laughter, this presence, finding my plight for salvation so sweet, so honorable, so precious, and after a silence filled with gratitude for the heart of me, I hear, but dearest one, remember, it is already here, All of it.


And for a moment I feel it. I remember it. I surrender to it.

When I look in the mirror, and begin searching for my youth that still plays dimly on my face--keeping me in a frenzy to hold onto the light as it slips through my fingers, the response is intimate.

I feel it as arms around me, hugging me into the heart of myself, reminding me to close my eyes, to feel who and what I am, and how she cannot be measured. It speaks of a pathway from my heart that has never been obstructed from love, that has never been subject to conditions. Look, it says, your eyes are no longer clenched! It celebrates with me, that I have chosen to lift my eyes and look out upon this path, to let myself be led down it. I notice with joy that it is a two-way street.

But, the most sacred moments have been when looking outside of myself, at those around me, and hearing whispers of a surrender so deep, as to truly resurrect the world--to restore to its rightful place a love of the truest kind. Where eyes meet and hearts understand, where what is heard in each moment, is the beloved within, merging with the one external.