Skip to main content

The Beloved Within

                                                         Photo Credit

All this time, I couldn't help but think that the voice I was looking for-- loving, compassionate, understanding, encouraging and deeply gentle, would be found outside of me.

Imagine my surprise when this voice turned on inside of me.

Perhaps it has always been there, but I've just now begun to allow it in.

When I find myself taking refuge from a battle zone-- if I've lost my cool in the end, fought and maimed and joined in the warring, I hear it telling me, it is okay. All is well. You are Love, as if it truly knows me better than I. I feel myself responding by dropping a thousand pounds of fear and heartache, as if I've just seen my divinity. 

I let go of dragging the pain into the next moment--really let go.


When I find myself feeling a little lost, unable to move for the moment, because my head is spinning with noise, I hear the most darling of questions, oh, dear one, what deep thoughts are stirring within your beautiful depths?


I answer, oh, you know, saving the world, seeing through the eyes of love in each and every moment, make that nanosecond-- looking out for the mind and its snares, staying one step ahead of anger and blame. Hoping I'm doing it well enough. Hoping I'm healing more than I'm destroying. Wondering if I am missing something--two steps ahead or behind-- wondering if I'll ever find the end of the rainbow. Hoping today will be the day-- when all will be clear.


Then I hear such gorgeous ripples of laughter, this presence, finding my plight for salvation so sweet, so honorable, so precious, and after a silence filled with gratitude for the heart of me, I hear, but dearest one, remember, it is already here, All of it.


And for a moment I feel it. I remember it. I surrender to it.

When I look in the mirror, and begin searching for my youth that still plays dimly on my face--keeping me in a frenzy to hold onto the light as it slips through my fingers, the response is intimate.

I feel it as arms around me, hugging me into the heart of myself, reminding me to close my eyes, to feel who and what I am, and how she cannot be measured. It speaks of a pathway from my heart that has never been obstructed from love, that has never been subject to conditions. Look, it says, your eyes are no longer clenched! It celebrates with me, that I have chosen to lift my eyes and look out upon this path, to let myself be led down it. I notice with joy that it is a two-way street.

But, the most sacred moments have been when looking outside of myself, at those around me, and hearing whispers of a surrender so deep, as to truly resurrect the world--to restore to its rightful place a love of the truest kind. Where eyes meet and hearts understand, where what is heard in each moment, is the beloved within, merging with the one external.

Comments

  1. "Imagine my surprise when this voice turned on inside of me."

    Isn't this just the most beautiful truth--that this voice depends on no one, no thing, no circumstance? That it's always & forever right there, right here...

    Ahhh...to know this is Peace, my friend. And even when there is not peace, we know we can always come right on back. To here. To these sacred INside places.

    I admire you so. Your depths are truly beautiful.

    With love,

    Julia

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love that this beloved voice--inside you, inside me,inside us--heal with gorgeous, compassionate laughter.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

♥ Thank you for taking the time connect with me here. ♥

Popular posts from this blog

Mountain

Okay, I am just here writing, because I can't quite tell you how important it is that I have full permission to write, right here today, with this energy that I am holding. To stand strong in the truth of my being, that has felt quite weak and wavering in moments, and equally strong and clear in moments, as if these parts are truly at war with one another, and I am watching to see which one will win out, but the funny division between the two is merely this, the more I let the two up for air, wrestling and churning up and me trying to find which team is going to win, which one is going to end up on top, there is just simply me, sitting on the sidelines, and really tired of watching the back and the forth, and so, I just sit and put my hand in the sand I am sitting on the beach, and feel the texture of the sand, feel it running through my hand, and there is just this amazingness of this sand moving through my hand, and it feels timeless and I begin to see shapes and outlines in the…

RIP Poltergeist

After over ten years of an incredibly intense journey as a seeker, I find myself lying fallow. Taking a rest. When I first discovered this uncomfortable fact — threat to the hamster wheel that was my spiritual rat race, I surrendered for dead, but something wouldn’t let that fact sit as truth. I was lying fallow, but this implied that after a good rest, fruit could follow. This had nothing to do with death.

I am humbled at the courage it takes to write. For many years I kept a blog read by only a handful of very supportive people, and you’d think that after sharing writing for so long with perfect strangers, writing would have gotten easier. Actually, it got harder. In fact, at one point I was so paralyzed, I just stopped writing altogether. It was just too vulnerable. There was no trust there anymore, and I attributed any courage I had had to my youthful ignorance.

However, life continues, as it inevitably does, and there is still this pang to write, and it grows stronger and strong…

Big Red Bow & Boat

The next installment in a boat series, I guess. I just loved drawing this one. It just sort of appeared one day, and I loved the hues. Thanks Sharpie, for mixing up some alluring colors for me.

It didn't start out as night, but thanks to a sharpie mishap... but I am coming to ADORE those mishaps, because my favorite part of this little drawing is that it is night!

I also love drawing these women from behind with big bows. I love the mystery of whether the boat is coming in or going out. Perhaps it is all those Victoria Holt novels I read as a girl. Thanks mom!

It is fun to just enjoy looking at art I've created, not because they are good, but because they evoke something for me in my experience--something that just feels simply a little bit more alive--tiny sparks of wonder that make me feel curious about this human existence, and our desire to create--something wordless. Sometimes I think it is the closest way that I get to brush up to my personal experience as a human. Beca…