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Soul Homecoming: See

I am lying on my left side and spinning in an electric blue light, curled up in a fetal position. Round and round I go, until I hear melody as a ribbon on the wind, drawing closer, becoming clearer; soothing, multi-dimensional, like many voices sounding as one.
Suspended in sound, tickled by vibration, I stop spinning. I experience the sensation of the sound holding me, surrounding me like water, pressing, molding, filling.

It isn't possible. Sound can't hold me. Logic weighs in from the more solid parts of me.

A release and I fall fast into darkness.

Something catches me, peaceful, like falling under the effects of anesthesia. I reach out my hands to get my bearings, but there is nothing to hold onto.

I sense a presence as I float softly down and settle onto something solid.

"Who's there?" I whisper

There is a faint blur of autumn color. It throbs as if part of my body, as a dull sensation of pain, and simultaneously as memory.

I weave my fingers through soft cold blades of grass.

The splashes of color settle into the form of what appear to be trees in the distance. A skyline is hinted at by a hoovering golden halo, a steady promise of sunrise.

The presence is very near, becoming stronger.

"I can't see you. I can't find you." I whisper.

"I'm here." I hear so close to me, that I'm sure I should feel faint breath on my ear.

I see a light above me growing brighter.

Around me soar tiny crystal birds, who glitter and swirl into the heavens. A swarm of delicate butterflies gently flutters about me tasting sweet nectar off my skin. They bring with them rays of sunshine which light up their vibrant colors, warming me.

My body is flooded with light, bringing with it a deep sense of relaxation and radiating energy.

A feeling of utter love and well-being saturates my core, bursting forth from my heartspace.

It cradles me and makes any movement effortless, as if I need only surrender to be directed by its movement.

I playfully reach for the butterflies, but become distracted by my hands, pearlescent in the light. Their age is indeterminable, which fascinates me.

Something lifts me up effortlessly so that I am floating over the ground in light, and a sound of delight escapes from somewhere deep within me.

I look around a vast landscape, bathed in light, sparkling and swaying with energized reds, yellows, and blues. I seem to be able to see in all directions at once.

I am overwhelmed by the beauty and seized by a sadness that cuts deep into the center of my abdomen.

A penetrating darkness ensues, and I fall to the ground that gives way. I am turning and tumbling, as though folded under breaking waves, until I can't find up.

I hold my head to obscure deafening screeching sounds, along with voices upon voices, frantic and afraid. I begin to feel cold and numb from pain in my trunk.

Something surrounds me, tugging at my thoughts, willing me to listen.

I resist, settling into the cold, wanting not to feel, wanting not to exist.

Come back. Something beckons.

The darkness retreats and the luminous swarm of birds and butterflies returns. I've materialized into my ten-year-old self.

"Am I dreaming?" I smile at the tiny voice, sounding as if I've inhaled helium.

I make a perch for a butterfly with my finger. I look at my hands again as if this should give me some indication of reality.

"Where are you? Why can't I see you?"

"You don't want to. You'll see me when you want to."

"I don't understand." I say. "Who are you?"

The light begins to fade. I curl up into a fetal position, folding in and in, as though crawling back into the womb.

"I'm so cold." I whisper, feeling my adult shape again, feeling too big.

"Take this." The voice says.

I am lifted gently to standing. The earth beneath my feet rises up around my arms and encircles me like a cloak.

"Come."

I see an opening in mid-air, a void just large enough for me to walk through. I feel a rush of warm air directing me into it.

I feel my cloak rippling behind me as I move through the opening, giving way to the ground undulating beneath my feet.

I lose myself in placid thought trying to discern the sensations and textures in this place. The space is large and cavernous. The walls steep and jagged, and the ground glistening and thick like a silvery lake of mercury. I stand on it firmly, although I am sure I should be sinking.

I sense all of it alive, but I have no basis for classifying it.

I wrap my cloak tighter feeling its luxurious texture, another that I cannot identify. It is lit from beneath by the lake, and shimmers all the colors of the rainbow, though the prevailing color is emerald green.

I hear something in the distance and see a figure approaching. It is large and looming, and monstrous.

As it grows closer I steady my gaze on the face.

It is large and so grotesque that my human form feels elegant by comparison.

The creature's head is enormous. His limbs are asymmetrical, and his body, like that of a tree sculpted by the wind. He has no nose and only one eye in the middle of his forehead which blinks as he looks at me. He has no mouth, and I am unprepared for his voice which greets me shaking the space.

I open my mouth to greet him in return and find that my voice is equally as loud, and that the vastness of the space carries our voices on tidal sound waves.

When the echo of our voices finally recede, I understand that I have nothing to fear.

It is quiet as we look at one another.

"Where am I?" I'm about to ask.

Somewhere between and beyond. I hear in my mind.

"Who are you?" I'm about to say.

A friend. I again hear answered clearly within me.

The creature looks into the silvery waves that begin to still, and I follow his gaze.

I see my face reflected. I look to the monster's, but where his reflection should be, I see mine, except effervescent, never completely in focus.

I look back at my own reflection again but see only light.

"What does this mean?" I look intently at the monster.

There is no response.

One of his monstrous legs bends as he huddles himself down low scooping up a handful of liquid silver, bringing it where his mouth should be, seemingly drinking it.

I watch for a moment, then do the same, feeling the strange sensation of warm softness moving down my throat.

My eyes want to close. I am drifting peacefully.

I hear sea birds in the distance, and ocean surf. I open my eyes to find myself cushioned by a white sandy beach, the ocean waves gently rising and falling. The sky glows with twilight, the stars crystal clear. Silhouettes of palm trees against the sky sway in a cool breeze. I sift cool sand through my fingers. This I recognize.

Next to me something glistens and twirls. I sit up and watch it for a moment until I can make out its shape.

"You look like me." I say.

She smiles, "You look like me."

I laugh, not comprehending.

"Where are we?"

"In a world of your creation. A peaceful memory."

"Where is the monster?" I ask, looking around.

"That was yours, what your fear created."

"I don't understand. I didn't feel afraid." I say.

"You will understand in time."

I see her features a little more clearly, although she remains mostly insubstantial, like a hologram. Although she looks like me, there are marked differences. Her hair is longer, her face is rounder, her eyes are greener."

"Are you real?"

"As real as you."

I feel a rush of love for her.

"Where are we?"

"Outside of time, in the vastness."

She looks out at the ocean and then into the sky.

"Our stories are written in this endless blanket of stars, and you have called yours home to you."

I follow her gaze to a towering mountain in the distance, all the while wanting to touch her, to make sure she is real.

She stands up and walks out into the surf, letting it kiss her feet. She wears a long shimmering white dress that sways in the breeze, reflecting every color of the rainbow.

She turns and looks back at me, smiling, until she becomes the vibration of millions of tiny pixels of light.

Ready to see. I hear as a whisper.

The sky becomes dark, and in the distance I hear a deep earthly roar as the mountain begins to spew red fire, and thick glowing lava oozes down the sides of the mountain devouring trees and boiling the water in the streams.

I stare in wonder feeling the earth wild and alive, and strangely, beautiful.

Comments

  1. Never did get my post back! Lucky for me, I had a copy.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm here reading, dear Brooke, receiving your words with all the parts of me that can receive. I feel lit up by them in the way that only you can light up.

    Ready to see. Yep.

    ReplyDelete
  3. 'Outside of time,in the vastness.' WOW!
    Long live the Brookster. XXX

    ReplyDelete
  4. This space is beautiful in every way. I am so grateful to have your words to pour over and take in. Thank you for including me in your dear to me section- I am so, so honored.

    sending so much love your way. . .

    ReplyDelete

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