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Showing posts from December, 2010

Focus

Photo by Lyn

At the beginning of 2010, I recall saying bring it on. I felt brave enough to dig down deep into my psyche, to do some cleaning up of half-truths and limiting beliefs.

I have not been disappointed.

Everything in my life seemed to become game for a test of elasticity. Some relationships withstood the strain of the stretch, continuing to expand to almost limitless bounds!; others snapped, or at least left me bruised snapping back.

I waded through a lot this year, from the beauty of being shown new possibilities in life, and in being-ness, to unearthing the wounded child within, giving her a voice, and helping her to stand on wobbly legs.

What I have gained this year is a deeper trust in people, in life, that shows up to give you exactly what you need, in the most meaningful ways that it can--this is code for that which can really give you a good pounding--after all, what else could get our attention better than that which touches down upon what is most deeply important to us?

It …

Synthesis

Awesome untouched photo by Suzanne!

The sun is bursting through the window! Feels good.

I have been bursting to sit down and write!

First of all, thank you again for all of the love and solidarity you express in your comments and email. It is beautiful to hear your expressions of love, and validation of your own experience reflecting mine.

I am sure I've said this before, but it is interesting to have a blog of this nature, recounting the ups and downs of life. Once in a while I go back and read some old posts, and wonder how I got to that place of clarity, and why that place doesn't feel accessible now. Other times I look back and am very glad I'm not stuck there anymore.

I am learning about my linear thinking, and how it expects that as time goes on, my mastery of the process should start to outshine my pathetic struggle for basic survival.

Apparently it doesn't work that way.

If I truly let myself get in tune with defining any learning process underway--if I am honest, wh…

Come As You Are

Photo by Lyn

The thing is - when you don't care at all what people think, you lose your capacity for connection. When you care too much, you lose your willingness to be vulnerable. The only way I can walk that thin line is with my faith. --Brené Brown

When I began this blog, it was much easier to write my stories, because I was focused more on inward experiences, starring me and my thoughts, finding ways of working through my full-to-the-brim limiting beliefs.

Lately my experiences have been more interactive. This means there is a lot going on behind the scenes. Of course, I can't disclose a lot of the details, or even generalize it to generic life themes. It is difficult, then, to write between the lines.

So, what I can tell you, is that I have been challenged to the core of my being. I have been beaten down, told point blank that I am not worthy, not good enough, and not equal--to say the least. One anonymous reader, who might enjoy going elsewhere for a read, has asked me who d…

Breath

If you read my last post, you encountered my notion that the breath points to life more than a steadily beating heart, that, in fact, the beat could go awry, but as long as the breath remains, it affirms life in each moment--not to mention that the breath is something we can voluntarily take control of, unlike the heart.

I find it so profound that the breath is what bridges the conscious and the subconscious. If we forget to breathe, it is done for us, or we can consciously do it.

Breath by definition affirms life--so, if it bridges conscious to subconscious, would it be going too far to say that breath by definition confirms existence beyond what we know as life? That breath is symbolic of existence?

So, I wrote the Heart Attack post to embody the essence of a literal experience I had with my own body, where I felt sure that my heart organ could not sustain what was happening to it--and I was left only with the breath to carry me through the intensity, which lasted hours.

I was able to …