Skip to main content

Let's do the time warp...

There is nothing that fosters belief in the illusion of time more than taking a 15-hour road trip with children. It becomes all about counting, measuring, gauging.

Distance traveled is the most obvious to keep tabs on, then gas in the tank, minutes between 'are we there yets?' hungry tummies, parch-ed-ness, rest stops, endless stretches of road work, small stretches of no road work, drivers who prefer the passing lane, big trucks, day turning into night, smiles turning upside down, and then temporarily flatlining thanks to the technology that turns the radio into a story teller, the back seat into a movie theatre, and at moments the entire car into a concert stage.

There is nothing that disorients you more than arriving in the city you grew up in, that has been so overdeveloped and refaced that you can barely recognize it--and yet, it is still missing that je ne sais quoi.

There is nothing that helps you feel the passing of time more than sitting in your childhood bedroom, now a guest room--having long been emptied out of any sign of you, wall-paper discarded (thank god), new color pallet and accessories chosen to result in more universal appeal. Yet, even as you sit within, feeling sure the room must have shrunk, you are caught between who you were, once upon a time, and who you are now-- not quite able to reconcile the two, and perhaps a little thankful for that.

Yes, time passing, distances traveled, the mixture of the old with the new--all can hold you against your will a captive audience to the illusion, keeping you forever in the littleness of searching for its markers, its sign posts; comparing and contrasting, searching for meaning in the face-value--and perhaps most prevalently, for the elusive sense of belonging in a universe where the constant is change.

I am reminded of a dream I once had when I went to a friend's house only to find that new owners had moved in, and that my friend was long gone. I walked away from the nice strangers in her house attempting to put on my jacket, but it wouldn't fit. I struggled with it until I realized that it was sized for a five-year old. I wandered unable to recognize where I was, getting the feeling that I was a hundred years too late. Depending on perception this could be construed a bad dream--or a good one--think about the freedom! (I'll tell you for me the dream was stressful).

In another dream I was bombarded with images of an older woman I took to be me in my golden years. I shifted in an agitated state between anxiety and awe, until all of the sudden I felt myself declare I am not my body! At that, my dream-self shot up into the ceiling and found myself in a sort of belfry with metal scaffolding all over, which I could totally fly through. Yeah, it was awesome.

Thank goodness for these moments of reprieve, if only in our dreams, from being a dense form at the mercy of linear time and thinking, from the forces of gravity holding us down, and all of our conditioned thoughts about all of it.

I'm starting to have much more reverence for the four elements which do as they please!

Tonight I lift my eyes into the night sky, moving outside of time, to a place far enough away that it feels impossible to measure or gauge anything. I let its vastness connect my experience with all across time, who have ever used the constellations to guide them on their journeys, or to simply inspire in them rich stories, to those who have ever noticed a loving companion in the moon following them.

Then I inhale and exhale and feel the timelessness in that, connecting all of my own experience to itself within the rise and fall of the breath, that has never ceased to be--and I am still.


  1. Yay! You made it...what a gift it is to read your words, words that connect us even when there is 15 hours of road space in between.

    Savor your time, dear friend.


  2. Pure poetry! I love the immediacy of your stories and dreams. I am right there with you.

  3. So glad you are here and took that 15 hour road trip!!!!!!!!

    You brave and amazing woman!!


Post a Comment

♥ Thank you for taking the time connect with me here. ♥

Popular posts from this blog

RIP Poltergeist

After over ten years of an incredibly intense journey as a seeker, I find myself lying fallow. Taking a rest. When I first discovered this uncomfortable fact — threat to the hamster wheel that was my spiritual rat race, I surrendered for dead, but something wouldn’t let that fact sit as truth. I was lying fallow, but this implied that after a good rest, fruit could follow. This had nothing to do with death.

I am humbled at the courage it takes to write. For many years I kept a blog read by only a handful of very supportive people, and you’d think that after sharing writing for so long with perfect strangers, writing would have gotten easier. Actually, it got harder. In fact, at one point I was so paralyzed, I just stopped writing altogether. It was just too vulnerable. There was no trust there anymore, and I attributed any courage I had had to my youthful ignorance.

However, life continues, as it inevitably does, and there is still this pang to write, and it grows stronger and strong…


Another painting I loved making. I had so much fun just layering paint and swirling about.

Adventure has been a big part of my world as of late. In fact, writing this after a long day of skiiing. Where I used to shy away from leaving the house, I've been doing the opposite. Finally really getting to know my beautiful state and bask in its beauty-- hiking to the top of many peaks--sometimes limping the last stretches back to the car. Took my girls camping on the beach without a 'man'  and was so proud when I got the campfire started multiple times. The girls had their doubts I could do it. It was nice to prove them wrong! My most favorite was the day I drove 5 hours to the closest passport office on a wing and a prayer to get a same-day passport (wing and a prayer because they tell you you can drive all that way, but that there is no guarantee they can/will help you) so I could accept an invitation to see the woman's soccer world cup, and within a week was in Vancouver…

All for one and one for all...

“All for one and one for all.” 
― Alexandre DumasThe Three Musketeers
I thought I would bid farewell to these 29 days with me and my girls taking in the sunset atop one of my favorite views.

This was drawn at a time when our little threesome became my sense of home and identity, and having these little ones, now big, by my side has given my life meaning and purpose, and has changed me in every way that is good.

This is how I want to go out, in the end, like watching the sunset with my girls--feeling the warm glow casting itself around the valley, lighting up eyelashes and strands of angel hair, until the light recedes and is no more.

Thank you to those who joined me on this journey. The gifts have been all mine-- to share my creations and to be met with such tender love and kindness. I honor you all as fellow creators and humans on the journey. It is a joy to call you friends.

I can't wait to be on the receiving end of your creations, and to keep a life-long sharing of our hearts…