Skip to main content

Finding the Observer

I have been experimenting with finding the observer in my experience. It has been very interesting taking stock of myself with this intention of finding the part of me that is at rest, watching the rest of me ride the roller coaster of my human experience.

I read a great quote by Aziz Kristof about finding the watch tower in yourself, the part of you that is surveying the little you moving about on the land. So, in meditation I've been attempting to focus my mind, to turn my understanding inside out to access this observer. What I've found, however, is that I've been able to focus all the way to the watchtower, but have not been able to settle into any kind of concept of an observer within the watchtower.

Then I had an image come to me that has helped me to grasp this concept.

I had the image of a telescope come to me, and I was looking through the 'wrong' end of it. The idea was to look in the telescope backwards to see the tiny speck of observer looking through at me. Inside I could see essence of the observer-Self, just as something like a dot. It makes sense that the observing Self would be small, because it would not be intent on making a large projection of itself with a supposed purpose to bump up against other ego projections.

After I was able to process this concept on an intellectual level, I realized that I had to drop the entire experience of it out of the intellect, and into the heart--to look with the heart, because just seeing the speck of an observer isn't enough.

I realized that it doesn't matter if you can see the observer if you are closed to comprehending what the observer itself symbolizes, the vastness of the space in which the observer lives or, in essence, is; outside our automatic and limited template of dense form, which we think is the end all--the edge of the horizon that drops off a flat earth. Rather we must find the realm of oblivion, where we fall when we let ourselves fall--or jump:)-- the void were exists all possibility, precisely because it has no relationship with our concept of limitation, nor does it have any investment in the outcomes of, or our dealings within our projections.

You can only feel the immensity of this in the heartspace. Or space of the heart (think of space as in outer space--the place where we shoot up our rockets, and then add heart to that).

In the heartspace you have no need for any image at all, because you directly access the observer-Self. Feeling the sense of opening the heart takes you into the observer awareness. You lose all sense of concepts here, except for what we would recognize as feelings of relief, joy, lightness, spaciousness, love, and acceptance. Peace.

I find that images have much instructional value in my experience, and are especially helpful if your default is to feel contracted and folded in, as the images can pull you into a more open interpretation, which naturally opens you. I can see that as my default becomes to be more and more open, I can drop the images and just move into the heart to access this peace--although most of the time I access it faster when the intellect can act as a sort of springboard.

Mostly I realize that this process of accessing awareness has a life force of its own, and is unique to every individual. You need do nothing but open to it, and it will lead you lovingly into the awareness that you seek. Big chunks of yourself naturally begin to fall away, and as a result the awareness, which is already stable within, becomes less and less obstructed--and the experience of awareness lengthens and deepens to form new memory and a new template from which we can interpret experience.


  1. I love the quote by Aziz Kristof. Look forward to discussing this some more with you.

  2. Thank you for turning my attention toward the helpful in this moment when i'm pulling my hair out in frustration.

    My little ones are driving me wacko. Or i guess i should say my thoughts about my little ones and their (perceived) irritating behavior is driving me wacko.

    Thank you, friend, for always pointing me in the direction of peace.

  3. Hiya Brooke,

    'Feelings of relief, joy, lightness, spaciousness, love, and acceptance. Peace.' Thankyou for the timely reminder.

    Love Nige:-)


Post a Comment

♥ Thank you for taking the time connect with me here. ♥

Popular posts from this blog


Okay, I am just here writing, because I can't quite tell you how important it is that I have full permission to write, right here today, with this energy that I am holding. To stand strong in the truth of my being, that has felt quite weak and wavering in moments, and equally strong and clear in moments, as if these parts are truly at war with one another, and I am watching to see which one will win out, but the funny division between the two is merely this, the more I let the two up for air, wrestling and churning up and me trying to find which team is going to win, which one is going to end up on top, there is just simply me, sitting on the sidelines, and really tired of watching the back and the forth, and so, I just sit and put my hand in the sand I am sitting on the beach, and feel the texture of the sand, feel it running through my hand, and there is just this amazingness of this sand moving through my hand, and it feels timeless and I begin to see shapes and outlines in the…

RIP Poltergeist

After over ten years of an incredibly intense journey as a seeker, I find myself lying fallow. Taking a rest. When I first discovered this uncomfortable fact — threat to the hamster wheel that was my spiritual rat race, I surrendered for dead, but something wouldn’t let that fact sit as truth. I was lying fallow, but this implied that after a good rest, fruit could follow. This had nothing to do with death.

I am humbled at the courage it takes to write. For many years I kept a blog read by only a handful of very supportive people, and you’d think that after sharing writing for so long with perfect strangers, writing would have gotten easier. Actually, it got harder. In fact, at one point I was so paralyzed, I just stopped writing altogether. It was just too vulnerable. There was no trust there anymore, and I attributed any courage I had had to my youthful ignorance.

However, life continues, as it inevitably does, and there is still this pang to write, and it grows stronger and strong…

Big Red Bow & Boat

The next installment in a boat series, I guess. I just loved drawing this one. It just sort of appeared one day, and I loved the hues. Thanks Sharpie, for mixing up some alluring colors for me.

It didn't start out as night, but thanks to a sharpie mishap... but I am coming to ADORE those mishaps, because my favorite part of this little drawing is that it is night!

I also love drawing these women from behind with big bows. I love the mystery of whether the boat is coming in or going out. Perhaps it is all those Victoria Holt novels I read as a girl. Thanks mom!

It is fun to just enjoy looking at art I've created, not because they are good, but because they evoke something for me in my experience--something that just feels simply a little bit more alive--tiny sparks of wonder that make me feel curious about this human existence, and our desire to create--something wordless. Sometimes I think it is the closest way that I get to brush up to my personal experience as a human. Beca…