Apprentice of Love

Photo Credit J. Scott Bovitz

A mentor recently told me that a love that knows no bounds can be a force to be reckoned with. We may not be ready for it. This really spoke to me, which was interesting, because it is relatively easy for me to love anyway.

It got me thinking. Do I have beliefs about love? Do I believe in limits to the possibilities in which it can appear? What are my underlying beliefs with regard to expansive love?

I was surprised to discover that I do have a fundamental belief system about love that I haven't been conscious of until now. This is what I found I believe on some level: expansive love comes in complicated form. Those who can give or experience it must be only briefly with us in the physical. The world as it is does not support this kind of love. Expansive love is just another form of separation and ends eventually, or becomes tainted with conflict. There isn't enough room for it, and it doesn't fit in with the way that we do things in this world. This love is a matter of chance, and is usually doomed before it ever begins.

I hope to bulldoze through these limiting beliefs, as I see how they present themselves for me to look deeply at them, and my own infrastructure that would choose separation.

A mentor also told me there are only two kinds of movement in this world: love rising to meet love, or love making space for that which appears not to be love.

Love rising to meet love is obvious, but making a space of love for that which appears not to be love is not always easy. I am finding, however, that this space is where there is the most amazing freedom! I have only had glimpses of this, but I feel so thankful to be focused on choosing love and clear vision. Nothing seems to be able to change the love I feel for anyone into pain, regret, resentment, or sorrow--at least not for long. I feel myself eventually opening and welcoming the separation, and wanting to cradle it gently. It isn't to say that there is no longer contraction that comes along, there is--but it is recognizing the movement happening on a continuum toward expansion.

My deepest heart's desire: to see all difficult experience as the necessary contraction before an enormous expansion for any who wish to move with it.

It makes sense that making space for that which appears not to be love is the way to connecting more deeply with one another, to open reserves of compassion, to be open to those ready to experience expansive love.

I rest open, unafraid of getting hurt, knowing that there is no risk that is not worth taking as we move forward into a deeper oneness with all things. As I become even more open, as I begin to expand with love, as I question remnants of my beliefs about separation, love always shows up in the way that would further expand and heal me and others. All I need to do is stay in tune and recognize all the forms it takes, which are so many.

In the end I need only send out my ripples of love, and let go of who receives them.

I see my relationships, including the one with myself, are full of expansive and contracted moments, but with commitment to moving through to the other side, this contrast helps to break down the walls, to release fear, to create more stable feelings of peace and harmony, to help with movement and change, or staying put, and gives a knowledge of what is truly valuable in this life. I see that moving in this way helps release limiting beliefs and brings about change.

I keep learning to let go and trust that whatever happens is for me. I love that I'm no longer a victim, but an apprentice of love.

My mom jokes telling me to stop saying the following, and a weary part of me believes I should listen to her, but the part of myself wanting to free-fall into the void sings out loud and clear, bring it on!