Skip to main content

Out of Prison

A road you've known all of your life--you know every pothole, every turn--you can walk down it with your eyes closed. But it has changed, little by little you've begun to deconstruct it, dismantle parts of it, mostly the familiar parts you've tread upon all your life. You throw them to the wayside, piece after piece until you notice that the heavy parts of your road are gone. The dirt is soft underfoot, and you feel joy! After all, you've unearthed a path to peace.

You plant a daisy in the earth, that you grumble should have never been covered by blacktop in the first place. You feel a deep parental love as you watch your daisy grow and bloom. You rest there blissed out with it until its beauty begins to fade, until it begins to die.

Suddenly, you awaken (again), and find yourself sitting on a decimated path. You look for order in it, but all you see is the fact that you've destroyed it! You tell yourself that no order is good, to accept the choas, but you can only think that you are still just on a stinkin' road, paved or not.

The daisy is dead.

Here is where it gets tricky--the moment when you ask yourself, NOW WHAT?! and you just don't know what to do.

You sit idle because everything you used to do down the road doesn't have any purpose. You certainly can't drive down it anymore, and walking, well, there doesn't seem to be much point to that either, because you finally realize that you don't have any place that you really need to be. But you know that sitting there is useless too. Every possibility is answered with a why bother?

So, you realize with a tinge of panic in your gut that you've broken down any structure that has ever meant anything to you, the scaffolding upon which you've built your life. And now you find yourself walking down a dirt path feeling like a clown, wondering why you would bother to participate in any charade--finding the people who make up the chorus silly in their overzealous participation--even the neo-bohemians, whom you sort of revered.

Here it is where the mind comes in subtly to torment you, but you don't recognize it immediately because it is taking you down the other side of the mountain. Now you are not prey to all of your conditioning, but rather to your self-inflicted madness of living in a world that still believes in itself.

For the first time you truly understand why we have arms and legs that move us, why we have a propensity to want to do. And now what you always thought was rather silly, like running just for the hell of it, doesn't seem so bad. You get that in the illusion, you must keep moving, because even if you are headed down the other side of the mountain, you can fall victim to the ego-mind--even if you were certain you'd shed it in order to reach the top of the mountain.

And to succumb at this point in the journey would be ever so sad, as this is the moment when your heart could truly open to spirit and to life, where the two could integrate to exist one within the other, and you could live with your head in the clouds and your feet planted on the ground--where you could finally experience a love that transforms yourself and the world at large, but have no need for it.

Yes, you must keep moving, because to be free of believing your thoughts is only the beginning of the journey, like getting out of prison. There you stand at a threshold with a whole life to live, and with no idea how. You only know that you'll do it differently.


  1. I think I must have a thing for writing about roads.

  2. "you've unearthed a path to peace."

    What a beautiful thing to unearth!

    I'm so glad I'm traveling this wild road with you. I see endless amounts of loveliness ahead!


Post a Comment

♥ Thank you for taking the time connect with me here. ♥

Popular posts from this blog

RIP Poltergeist

After over ten years of an incredibly intense journey as a seeker, I find myself lying fallow. Taking a rest. When I first discovered this uncomfortable fact — threat to the hamster wheel that was my spiritual rat race, I surrendered for dead, but something wouldn’t let that fact sit as truth. I was lying fallow, but this implied that after a good rest, fruit could follow. This had nothing to do with death.

I am humbled at the courage it takes to write. For many years I kept a blog read by only a handful of very supportive people, and you’d think that after sharing writing for so long with perfect strangers, writing would have gotten easier. Actually, it got harder. In fact, at one point I was so paralyzed, I just stopped writing altogether. It was just too vulnerable. There was no trust there anymore, and I attributed any courage I had had to my youthful ignorance.

However, life continues, as it inevitably does, and there is still this pang to write, and it grows stronger and strong…


Another painting I loved making. I had so much fun just layering paint and swirling about.

Adventure has been a big part of my world as of late. In fact, writing this after a long day of skiiing. Where I used to shy away from leaving the house, I've been doing the opposite. Finally really getting to know my beautiful state and bask in its beauty-- hiking to the top of many peaks--sometimes limping the last stretches back to the car. Took my girls camping on the beach without a 'man'  and was so proud when I got the campfire started multiple times. The girls had their doubts I could do it. It was nice to prove them wrong! My most favorite was the day I drove 5 hours to the closest passport office on a wing and a prayer to get a same-day passport (wing and a prayer because they tell you you can drive all that way, but that there is no guarantee they can/will help you) so I could accept an invitation to see the woman's soccer world cup, and within a week was in Vancouver…

All for one and one for all...

“All for one and one for all.” 
― Alexandre DumasThe Three Musketeers
I thought I would bid farewell to these 29 days with me and my girls taking in the sunset atop one of my favorite views.

This was drawn at a time when our little threesome became my sense of home and identity, and having these little ones, now big, by my side has given my life meaning and purpose, and has changed me in every way that is good.

This is how I want to go out, in the end, like watching the sunset with my girls--feeling the warm glow casting itself around the valley, lighting up eyelashes and strands of angel hair, until the light recedes and is no more.

Thank you to those who joined me on this journey. The gifts have been all mine-- to share my creations and to be met with such tender love and kindness. I honor you all as fellow creators and humans on the journey. It is a joy to call you friends.

I can't wait to be on the receiving end of your creations, and to keep a life-long sharing of our hearts…