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A New Way of Interacting

Image by J. Scott Bovitz

I have been thinking a lot about the ways in which we separate ourselves, and realizing more than ever that, always, it is a cry out for love.

Only, it is suddenly not so simple to answer the cries in others or in myself, at least in the way I once did. More and more I turn it over, realizing that I have no idea what they or I really need. The old ways of thinking seem to be more harmful than helpful. They are often judgemental, reactive, blaming, diminishing and demanding. I find myself turning within, knowing that my emotional reactions are not coming from a peaceful place, but a fearful place.

I find that to truly see, I must look with my heart, and be shown.

As something in Awareness begins to help me loosen hold of my fears, and as I stay committed to wanting to see beyond the illusion, to really see my fellow humans from every angle, and with love, I am led to new ways of working in relationships.

I find that every interaction must feel good to me, whether it would be judged good or bad in my old ways of thinking. In other words I must tell the truth as best as I know it. However, I must always speak from my heart, as best as I am aware of it at the moment.

I still feel like I am toddling around in this new world, but the more I become in touch with my heart, the better I feel about my interactions, and the less needy I feel towards others.

I am finding more and more, that I must answer every cry for love from others and from myself from a place that doesn't reinforce our stories, in a way that doesn't keep us further imprisoned in the illusion, forever making it real.

It doesn't feel good to me anymore to validate or connect in a way that keeps others or myself believing that we are limited and owned by our stories, allowing the belief that our pain is bullet proof, and that there is no way out.

We are so used to smoothing things over by letting others keep their stories so dear to them, by believing along with them, or giving the illusion that we do. As a result, even the most loving words can appear callus when we've decided not to help build a towering ediface to their pain.

Some would call this tough love, but it is different. It doesn't turn around and impose a right way on the other, rather, it just stops the game of catch, of passing back and forth the pain and disillusionment that has no meaning, except what our thoughts have given it. It just loves anyway.

However, it isn't that there is no compassion or understanding. It isn't that there is a demanding that they see it your way or that they must change to better suit you. This is different. It doesn't exchange one set of pain for another. It is the beginnings of freedom.

You find that you can't feel good agreeing with anyone just to make them feel better, when you know that you are perpetuating their imprisonment.

I believe that this new way of interacting is the first shift in me changing my relationships with others and myself. And we know when we change our experience, we change the fabric of the world, which, historically, has loved belonging to its pain.

Aren't all of our cries for love, really cries for freedom from needing? So, what good is it to keep others or ourselves imprisoned in our thoughts? Why make the illusion more real, and thus, show them that there is no way out? It is insufficient to give a band-aid to cover a wound that is festering. Healing comes with finding that the wound was never there to begin with. This can only be shown by letting go of the story and finding the truth emerging within you, that it was never there, and you are free.

It is interesting with myself, to stop myself in all of my stories. To not allow myself to cycle for long in them, even when I feel wholly justified.

Often I have found that I am much more forgiving and see others much more clearly than I see myself, but I am starting to see how you can't separate the two. If I can't love my brother, I can't love myself, and if I can't love myself, I can't love my brother.

As some of my stories go away, other surface, that feel very impenetrable. I usually find that these are where I am the least free, and where I can learn the most if I just keep committed to seeing, and to being guided into opening my airtight thoughts.

Always there is an opening. Always there is the surprise of love that comes my way. It is a surprise because many times I am behaving opposite to how I would have done things in the past to be a 'good person', and yet the love that comes is unfathomable. It is like I am finally living life not just skipping the surface, but delving way below into infinite depths that I had no idea even existed.

Always I find that I am moving closer to experiencing true love, that knows no bounds, has no color, gender, race, nationality, socieconomic status, or dark past. I'm not there yet. I'm actually very afraid, but I know something is helping me to heal my feeling of separation.

My dream is to see the world at peace, not by designating more victims and perpetrators, but by exonerating all. There is no one in this world, NO ONE who is not worthy of love and compassion. There is no rift that cannot be healed.

However, there are a lot of separating thoughts, many of them fashioned in the name of peace and freedom!

I know that I need do nothing but turn within myself. I know that I have been guided all along to find this place within me. It holds the answers, not me. They are always loving. They are always inclusive. They are always healing. The way is always shown to me when I am ready to see it. I am not alone in unraveling all of my separating beliefs and fears. I know and honor that everyone is somewhere in the same process. We all long to be free.

The process does not always appear smooth. Often the road is wild:). It is our fear that judges it as seemingly tainted and wrong. It is our fear that wants to see a smooth, safe, road.

All it takes is the willingness to begin, to want just the littlest bit to really love and to realy see--to unify. We are shown the way in our own time. We are surrounded and supported by those who will best help us to be free, and mostly, to be who we really are.


  1. Thank you for sharing your insight.

    Here's to freedom!

  2. You have touched my heart with your insightful, yet gently words.

    I am seeing this play out in my own life. The more I "see", yet don't see...though the mortal eyes, the more free I am. This is love in it's purest state. Love your self, and you can not be stopped in loving others.

    Thank you for speaking from the heart.


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