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Image by J. Scott Bovitz

I have been very aware of the catches in my mind, where opposing thoughts snag at one another, stuck, paralyzed even, from moving through, from moving on.

I've followed each belief all the way down their dark alleys, to find a way of releasing them, but finding that all of them lead to dead-ends, with no doors for release, the brick walls too high and too slippery to climb.

I haven't been able to rely on my own devices. I've had to turn it over. In surrender, in being unafraid to smack hard against the brick walls at full force, I've been surprised not to have felt any impact at all, rather, in my surrender to what is, I am given release. I am lifted up for a bird's-eye-view.

The beauty takes my breath away.

There is release, and ever expanding and understanding of my bounds of thought, and how meaningless they are.

Recently, I have been contemplating how feeling free always comes with the counterpart of feeling imprisoned.

One helps define the other.

In other words, you cannot gauge how free you are unless you have an idea of how un-free you are.

I notice that I shift back and forth in no measurable pattern, on a continuum between the two states of being, feeling pain if I am feeling less free, and feeling joy if I am feeling more free.

However, when I allow myself to be as free as I am, and as imprisoned as I am. When I take this to a deep level of meditation and quiet, allowing myself to gently unravel any illusion of control that I might think I have to actually free myself, I feel a quiet peace come over me--a knowing that I am as free as I am, and that I am as imprisoned as I am, and that it is perfect. There is no part of me that can change it in that moment, only accept it and move through it.

This is when I find release, when I am lifted up and out of my thoughts. Nothing of my situation has changed, but I am no longer stuck. Instead, I am flying high above my entire thought process--free from it! Free from the story of needing to know how free I am.

Ironically, this is when I begin to experience true freedom, to find love and compassion for the part of me I've left behind, down below, who stands forever at the brick wall, wondering what it means, and just what she can do to get over it.

I tell her to look up, but she can't hear me.

I feel such a rush of love for her, as I watch her make her way back out of the alley, and down another one; moving back and forth on her continuum of freedom that she must conquer.

I honor her process, but, always, I invite her into flight.

I know that there will be a moment in time when she will join me, in the blink of an eye!

There will be much laughter as we soar, as we land wherever we want. I know we will play hide and seek in the clouds. I know we will whoosh about the highest mountain peaks, taking in the rich scent of evergreen. I know we will travel to the ends of the earth to land on sandy white beaches, sifting it through our toes and relishing its fullness under foot, along with the salty ocean sprays, and cold playful swells lapping at our shores, invigorating to our senses.

I know that we will savor our feet firmly touching the ground, as much as we drink in the freedom of flying.

We will have forgotten that, once upon a time, there was one that we wanted more than the other.


  1. "I know we will whoosh about the highest mountain peaks, taking in the rich scent of evergreen. I know we will travel to the ends of the earth to land on sandy white beaches, sifting it through our toes and relishing its fullness under foot, along with the salty ocean sprays, and cold playful swells lapping at our shores, invigorating to our senses."

    Ahhh, how sweet this sounds....

  2. "You cannot guage how free you are until you know how un-free you are"!

    Perfectly said!

    Your words today, have given me another place to return to for help... when my mind is going crazy and my suffering is strong. Thank you!

    So powerfully written and yet how delicate the feel...flying high!


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