Skip to main content

Humble Pie

Today I had yet another humbling experience.

I must be ready for them because I feel like the universe has been hurling them at me lately.

It's like I am tied in knots, and something is trying to untie them, but there is discomfort in the newness of being untied, because knots are my 'normal'.

It is as if I literally can't even understand what freedom is, even though all I have to do is just step outside of my open cage.

I keep bringing it back to love, but I realize that even this is a concept I am making a mess of.

I came across the most perfect passage in the ACIM that jolted me like a lightening bolt, showing me the truth of things: that I really do not yet have a basis for understanding anything.

"You do not understand it yet only because your whole communication is like a baby's. The sounds a baby makes and what he hears are highly unreliable, meaning different things to him at different times. Neither the sounds he hears nor sights he sees are stable yet...

Here is the first direct perception that you can make...that the something else you thought was you is an illusion. And truth came instantly, to show you where your Self must be."

Whoa! Truth did come to me instantly, and all my airtight stories were unraveled. I had no idea who I was, when just seconds before, I was so sure that I had it all figured out, even if something didn't feel quite right.

And I see that my understanding of the nature of reality is so new, and yet I keep trying to fit it into what I think I know about the world, only to see how it turns on me--how in the end it is exposed as a noble but futile effort to reconstruct a new vision of reality on the shabby ruins of an old one.

I am a little wobbly on my legs in this new world, but at the same time I see that I have started to walk--a milestone. I have a long way to go before I can speak it as my mother tongue.

I pray that I will not leave a wake of destruction too great as I move through this toddlerhood.

Something tells me that I need not walk it alone.

I feel strangely free knowing that I really don't know anything at all, not even now. All that is left is love, but with NO strings attached.


Popular posts from this blog


Okay, I am just here writing, because I can't quite tell you how important it is that I have full permission to write, right here today, with this energy that I am holding. To stand strong in the truth of my being, that has felt quite weak and wavering in moments, and equally strong and clear in moments, as if these parts are truly at war with one another, and I am watching to see which one will win out, but the funny division between the two is merely this, the more I let the two up for air, wrestling and churning up and me trying to find which team is going to win, which one is going to end up on top, there is just simply me, sitting on the sidelines, and really tired of watching the back and the forth, and so, I just sit and put my hand in the sand I am sitting on the beach, and feel the texture of the sand, feel it running through my hand, and there is just this amazingness of this sand moving through my hand, and it feels timeless and I begin to see shapes and outlines in the…

RIP Poltergeist

After over ten years of an incredibly intense journey as a seeker, I find myself lying fallow. Taking a rest. When I first discovered this uncomfortable fact — threat to the hamster wheel that was my spiritual rat race, I surrendered for dead, but something wouldn’t let that fact sit as truth. I was lying fallow, but this implied that after a good rest, fruit could follow. This had nothing to do with death.

I am humbled at the courage it takes to write. For many years I kept a blog read by only a handful of very supportive people, and you’d think that after sharing writing for so long with perfect strangers, writing would have gotten easier. Actually, it got harder. In fact, at one point I was so paralyzed, I just stopped writing altogether. It was just too vulnerable. There was no trust there anymore, and I attributed any courage I had had to my youthful ignorance.

However, life continues, as it inevitably does, and there is still this pang to write, and it grows stronger and strong…

Big Red Bow & Boat

The next installment in a boat series, I guess. I just loved drawing this one. It just sort of appeared one day, and I loved the hues. Thanks Sharpie, for mixing up some alluring colors for me.

It didn't start out as night, but thanks to a sharpie mishap... but I am coming to ADORE those mishaps, because my favorite part of this little drawing is that it is night!

I also love drawing these women from behind with big bows. I love the mystery of whether the boat is coming in or going out. Perhaps it is all those Victoria Holt novels I read as a girl. Thanks mom!

It is fun to just enjoy looking at art I've created, not because they are good, but because they evoke something for me in my experience--something that just feels simply a little bit more alive--tiny sparks of wonder that make me feel curious about this human existence, and our desire to create--something wordless. Sometimes I think it is the closest way that I get to brush up to my personal experience as a human. Beca…