Skip to main content

So Glad I Missed the Bus!


Photo by Lyn

This past week I was working with my, well, I guess I would call her a guru, really, Fiona Moore, at her Sedona Method Releasing Class. This woman is full of gifts, but I think her most splendid one is how she reflects your own amazingness. You look at her, and you see yourself differently--her love is so pure, and she reflects your pure loving heart, without anything in the way.

The Sedona Method is one of her tools of choice, because of the simple ease and quick results of working with it. If you don't know what the method is, I highly recommend finding out. It is an amazing method that is very practical to work with and easy to implement.

I particularly like working with it in a group setting, because you see how you are no different from anyone else. Although our lives may look different on the outside, I have been amazed at how overall the running themes are all the same. The Sedona Method focuses on five wants that our human minds grip to, and that cause us suffering: want of control, want of approval, want of oneness, want of separation, and want of security.

The idea is to become aware of these wants and to release them; to acknowledge how they keep us in a contracted state of being. Releasing these wants frees up movement and our ability to see other possibilities. In its place there comes more ease, and flow in daily life, more appreciation, and more acceptance of what is.

Instead of wanting, you HAVE. There is more trust in the inherent good of the universe, and in problems working themselves out on their own, and more time is spent in the moment at hand, rather than in memories or in future speculation. Life is lived more fully as a result.

So, even though I've been doing this work for a while now, I am still taking baby steps into seeing the workings of my mind. Often the mind comes in without me realizing its presence and turns the method into a machine to achieve my desires, versus to find lasting peace. I get bogged down in trying to release, because I think I should feel released, instead of letting it happen naturally, by allowing and welcoming whatever is there in my thoughts, seemingly good or bad.

It turns into another kind of chase of my mind to find the perfect solution, and to find the pleasure of having intellectually conquered the deep mysteries, following them to a beautiful and aesthetically pleasing resolution.

Perhaps you do this too?--following a line of thinking all the way to its end--even taking days to find it! Losing sleep?! It is sort of like solving an equation. You get that exact answer that you know is right, because each component of working through it, lead to it. You circle it with pride!

However, when you are working the riddles of the universe, it might not be quite so black and white. Haven't you had the experience that you have something figured out, and you find something that contradicts it very shortly after?

And anyway, this kind of pleasure is often short-lived. In my experience, the lasting peace is that which comes from the surprise that everything you are chasing is an illusion, has no solution, and is formless. Peace comes from outside of this realm of figuring out, of searching for the holy grail.

So, the other night, I asked Fiona a question about something, and Fiona started answering me in the most beautiful, lovely, logic. As she spoke, I could feel her making the most delectable of dessert with her words, a gorgeous cake, starting with the freshest ingredients. She added on to what she was saying, baking the cake to golden perfection, letting it cool, and the when it was ready, she rolled in with waves upon flowing waves of silky frosting--hypnotized, I watched her spread it all over in graceful motions, my mouth watering! Then came the visual splendor--delicate flowers, gorgeous in their simplicity.

Just as she was going to place the final magical touches to finish her beautiful creation--my beautiful fantasy POPPED! It disappeared into thin air! The dream of tasting what she had created suddenly was gone--something shut me out!--ripping me into a harsh reality, that I had missed out on something big!

In that moment I was the ultimate outsider. Everyone else had heard what she had said. Everyone else was tasting her lovely creation, even digesting it lovingly into their bodies-- but that perfect ending, that ultimate conclusion had somehow become invisible to me--I had been cut off!

"Wait!" I said. "I didn't hear the last thing you said. It wouldn't process through! Could you repeat the last thing you said?"

And wise Fiona looked at me lovingly, and in all her wisdom she said simply,

"No."

Everyone laughed.

"No, seriously, I was flowing with everything you said," I said, my tone desperate. "and it was like my brain just turned off, and wouldn't let me process the last thing you said!" I exclaimed.

"Good." Fiona said.

"No, seriously, tell me!"

My friend, Julia, sitting next to me, said, "Sorry, Brooke, that was the answer to all existence. You missed it."

We laughed more. I was fighting the beautiful feeling of release from the laughter, needing to hold on to this thread of reasoning that had been arrested. I couldn't just abandon all that beautiful reason. After all, it had been making so much sense! I just needed the last piece of the puzzle!

Nobody seemed to want to indulge me.

"I feel like I missed the bus. Here I am and it just zoomed past me." I said.

"Great." Fiona said. And everyone continued to laugh.

Suddenly, there was the tiniest of openings in my mind.

"So, you mean, the bus went by, but I could go down this road instead?" I pointed down an imaginary side road.

"Exactly." Fiona said.

"And who knows what might be down that road?" I said more to myself. "If I'd taken the bus, I might have never known about what would be down this road."

"That's right."

"That feels free." I said.

She laughed in her free, uninhibited way! I laughed too.

I tried to stop myself from what felt uncomfortably like uncontrollable laughter.

"Don't bottle it in, Brooke. Let it out." She said, on to me again!

Suddenly, there was freedom swirling around me, as I escaped my mind that was so sure that it would have had it all figured out had Fiona repeated her last line--the final cherry on top, and that it would finally arrive at yet another conclusion about the world.

But in the wisdom of my heart I knew that a cherry is just a cherry, and my mind would begin to doubt as soon as the initial sweetness of having figured it all out began to fade!

I sat with the present moment, the feeling of what it was like to have my mind so profoundly and deeply unraveled!

"I think you won." I said.

"Oh?" Fiona said laughing. "I wasn't aware we were having any kind of duel."

I laughed. "I just saw my mind retreating-- hobbling down the back stairs."

More beautiful release. More laughter. The ultimate sign of relief.

I'm so glad I missed the bus!

Good riddens little mind!

I picture this nasty little control freak, like those ruthless villains in the cartoons that are only three inches tall, but live inside the menacing looking robot, sending the robot on violent rampages and destructive missions, as if to make up for his inadequate size. You know him, he usually has a big bushy mustache and snarly eyebrows. He is loud. There are no other possibilities for him, except revenge and inflicting pain. He is full of his own suppressed pain.

And without the little man, the robot is completely benign, smelling roses, and frolicking and skipping through sunlit meadows.

So, at least I had the feeling of what it was like to have him gone from my psyche, (maybe even a full 24 hours!) until he found me and crawled back up, putting his sorry little ass back on what he thinks is his throne.

He better watch it, however, because I've shaken his foundation once, and I can do it again--and who knows, someday it might become permanent.

All I know, is that I keep showing up, and I keep getting a little bit stronger. Wax on, wax off, baby!

Comments

  1. oh man! You had me smiling all the way through this one! so well said, so pefectly conveyed.

    Glad i was there to experience that magical, light, fun, connecting evening with you.

    Here's to losing our minds! (In the very best of ways!)

    ReplyDelete
  2. You go girl! Brilliant!

    In the telling, felt as if I was there for reals!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

♥ Thank you for taking the time connect with me here. ♥

Popular posts from this blog

Mountain

Okay, I am just here writing, because I can't quite tell you how important it is that I have full permission to write, right here today, with this energy that I am holding. To stand strong in the truth of my being, that has felt quite weak and wavering in moments, and equally strong and clear in moments, as if these parts are truly at war with one another, and I am watching to see which one will win out, but the funny division between the two is merely this, the more I let the two up for air, wrestling and churning up and me trying to find which team is going to win, which one is going to end up on top, there is just simply me, sitting on the sidelines, and really tired of watching the back and the forth, and so, I just sit and put my hand in the sand I am sitting on the beach, and feel the texture of the sand, feel it running through my hand, and there is just this amazingness of this sand moving through my hand, and it feels timeless and I begin to see shapes and outlines in the…

RIP Poltergeist

After over ten years of an incredibly intense journey as a seeker, I find myself lying fallow. Taking a rest. When I first discovered this uncomfortable fact — threat to the hamster wheel that was my spiritual rat race, I surrendered for dead, but something wouldn’t let that fact sit as truth. I was lying fallow, but this implied that after a good rest, fruit could follow. This had nothing to do with death.

I am humbled at the courage it takes to write. For many years I kept a blog read by only a handful of very supportive people, and you’d think that after sharing writing for so long with perfect strangers, writing would have gotten easier. Actually, it got harder. In fact, at one point I was so paralyzed, I just stopped writing altogether. It was just too vulnerable. There was no trust there anymore, and I attributed any courage I had had to my youthful ignorance.

However, life continues, as it inevitably does, and there is still this pang to write, and it grows stronger and strong…

Big Red Bow & Boat

The next installment in a boat series, I guess. I just loved drawing this one. It just sort of appeared one day, and I loved the hues. Thanks Sharpie, for mixing up some alluring colors for me.

It didn't start out as night, but thanks to a sharpie mishap... but I am coming to ADORE those mishaps, because my favorite part of this little drawing is that it is night!

I also love drawing these women from behind with big bows. I love the mystery of whether the boat is coming in or going out. Perhaps it is all those Victoria Holt novels I read as a girl. Thanks mom!

It is fun to just enjoy looking at art I've created, not because they are good, but because they evoke something for me in my experience--something that just feels simply a little bit more alive--tiny sparks of wonder that make me feel curious about this human existence, and our desire to create--something wordless. Sometimes I think it is the closest way that I get to brush up to my personal experience as a human. Beca…