Skip to main content

Precious Gift

What has been foremost in my thoughts is the beauty of the fact that even when we don't feel at all connected to Source, when our inspiration isn't flowing, when our bodies are suffering, or when we just don't feel the measure of bliss we would like, if we just pay attention, we can see that it is our minds that have shifted out of the connection, but not the other way around. Source is always there, if only you are willing to see it. I am choosing to see it more often, in the moment when I would have ignored it to wallow in my suffering.

Monday afternoon I was having an energy crisis in my body. My kids were very demanding and fighting, and I just wanted peace and quiet. My kids were tired and thus, being very dramatic and tattling on each other constantly. Every time they complained, I could feel the energy in my body ripped out of me, slowly depleting to nothing--less than nothing. I tried to breathe through it, but by the end of the afternoon, I was extinguished--a pathetic shadow of myself.

I literally thought I was going to die, and despite the apparent beauty of my life, I might have chosen death in that moment, just to release the pain. I felt like I was shriveling and wilting into nothing. The energy was so heavy, it was suffocating. The only thing I thought I could do was crawl on the couch and flip the tv on for the kids, and try to have a power nap while my kids were quiet. However, they didn't want to watch tv!

Barely holding back the tears, but not my dramatic words of woe, I crashed on the couch, barely able to push the buttons on the remote to flip the channels. Still nothing they wanted to see. We only have 3 channels, and they are all PBS, and so, there wasn't much hope--or was there!!?

So, I turn the channel, and I see this serene image of flowing water and placid rocks, and a man standing their moving his body. Was this yoga? I wasn't sure, so, I kept watching. It didn't look like the uninspiring exercise segments that I had stumbled across in the past on these public stations. No, there was something appealing, something that made me pay attention. And the first thing out of his mouth was about how moving the body in these flowing motions shifted the heavy energy through, healed the body and left if feeling flowing and energized.

Some deeper commitment to peace helped me to stand up and start moving with him. Turns out it was Qi Gong, a sort of practice like Tai Chi, that moves the energy around the body, energizes the body by doing flowing movements with the body, as though you were running your fingers through the surface of water.

For maybe ten to fifteen minutes, I breathed and moved my body with this man, while my daughters were jumping around the furniture. I stood rooted in a standing position, in my regular clothes, with little more effort than lifting my arms and moving them around me. It was the easiest thing I'd ever done. I needed easy. I wouldn't have been open to some of the more difficult moving in yoga, although, I am sure that would have been helpful.

Very quickly, I began to feel all of the energy shifting around me as I focused on the movements and the breathing. I began to feel grounded in the breath, and the heaviness started lifting. All of my senses were filled by the beautiful scenery behind him on the screen, the tranquil music, and the coaxing words and soft voice of this man.

My daughters could feel the shift too, as they got their yoga clothes on, and joined me. Suddenly, there was relief for all of us. There were smiles! I went from feeling like I was surely dying, to feeling a certain vitality and energy, which allowed me to find perspective, and to bring myself back to feeling connected, appreciative and loving. I was back in the present and able to see what a gift it had been to turn on that show just at the right time.

I also see what a gift it was for me to recognize what was put before me as a gift, enough to muster all of my strength to PARTICIPATE! I am finding that I am energized by participating, and shifting into a more active phase, than just having to sleep it off. It was my choice to accept the gift, and to stand up and do the exercises--and I am encouraged by my commitment to find relief and to give myself what I need, when for so long I would choose to be in a state of mental and physical anguish instead.

Thank you, Spirit, for helping me see the true gift that was before me, and thank you for my continued desire to show up for myself, and to give myself what I need, so that I may have all to give. Thank you for helping me to learn how important it is to feel integrated, body, mind and spirit, for this journey, and for showing me the way.


  1. wow. What a gorgeously serene photo--i want to be there. or maybe i just want the serenity that is there to be here now. which it is, of course.

    Thank you for sharing your journey. In showing how you work through the kinks and twists and turns, we all see more clearly.

  2. The beauty of this story is profound... we are never alone, helpless, or destined to suffer... only in our MINDS.

    I love how as your energy expanded so did your children' very beautiful!


Post a Comment

♥ Thank you for taking the time connect with me here. ♥

Popular posts from this blog

RIP Poltergeist

After over ten years of an incredibly intense journey as a seeker, I find myself lying fallow. Taking a rest. When I first discovered this uncomfortable fact — threat to the hamster wheel that was my spiritual rat race, I surrendered for dead, but something wouldn’t let that fact sit as truth. I was lying fallow, but this implied that after a good rest, fruit could follow. This had nothing to do with death.

I am humbled at the courage it takes to write. For many years I kept a blog read by only a handful of very supportive people, and you’d think that after sharing writing for so long with perfect strangers, writing would have gotten easier. Actually, it got harder. In fact, at one point I was so paralyzed, I just stopped writing altogether. It was just too vulnerable. There was no trust there anymore, and I attributed any courage I had had to my youthful ignorance.

However, life continues, as it inevitably does, and there is still this pang to write, and it grows stronger and strong…


Another painting I loved making. I had so much fun just layering paint and swirling about.

Adventure has been a big part of my world as of late. In fact, writing this after a long day of skiiing. Where I used to shy away from leaving the house, I've been doing the opposite. Finally really getting to know my beautiful state and bask in its beauty-- hiking to the top of many peaks--sometimes limping the last stretches back to the car. Took my girls camping on the beach without a 'man'  and was so proud when I got the campfire started multiple times. The girls had their doubts I could do it. It was nice to prove them wrong! My most favorite was the day I drove 5 hours to the closest passport office on a wing and a prayer to get a same-day passport (wing and a prayer because they tell you you can drive all that way, but that there is no guarantee they can/will help you) so I could accept an invitation to see the woman's soccer world cup, and within a week was in Vancouver…

All for one and one for all...

“All for one and one for all.” 
― Alexandre DumasThe Three Musketeers
I thought I would bid farewell to these 29 days with me and my girls taking in the sunset atop one of my favorite views.

This was drawn at a time when our little threesome became my sense of home and identity, and having these little ones, now big, by my side has given my life meaning and purpose, and has changed me in every way that is good.

This is how I want to go out, in the end, like watching the sunset with my girls--feeling the warm glow casting itself around the valley, lighting up eyelashes and strands of angel hair, until the light recedes and is no more.

Thank you to those who joined me on this journey. The gifts have been all mine-- to share my creations and to be met with such tender love and kindness. I honor you all as fellow creators and humans on the journey. It is a joy to call you friends.

I can't wait to be on the receiving end of your creations, and to keep a life-long sharing of our hearts…