Sweet Silence

I am tired at the moment, very tired. My eyelids are heavy as I write this.

I am quiet. My mind is quiet. I feel myself wanting to retreat into the world of the spirit after a busy day. I sink into the silence. I let go of expectations of what I must leave here, trusting that the act of sharing has its own alchemy. I send out tiny ripples and set them free with no need to see if they are far reaching.

I sit with a quiet heart, a content heart; here by myself, I know that I am not alone. I feel no wanting, no needing. Wait, a subtle pang: my girls sleep at their dad's tonight. I can't go and kiss their sweet sleeping faces, feel comforted by their rhythmic breathing, or take in their delicious scents, in the flesh that is--but this pang is easily dispelled by my heart, which finds itself much more open, with much more faith in things unseen, and much more aware of what is real.

Instead of thinking about what I don't have, I notice what I do; the beautiful silence of this moment, this precious time to commune with my soul, so that all that I am learning might sink in deeper into my experience, in the slow moments, so, that when I am thrust into the fast pace of the world of form, I can stand grounded, and observe all around me, choosing what I will focus upon to get me out of the illusion.

This silence with myself is different than anything I have ever known. It is unexpectedly wonderful, like when you realize that you really do feel better when you eat your veges, and you are surprised the day that you really want to feel good, and so you choose veges over the chocolate cake, and you are sure that you haven't missed out on anything.

Silence was unappealing when I was slave to my thoughts, when all waking moments were spent scrambling for the finish line, needing to win; finding fleeting excitement in the roar of my bustling downtown mind: thoughts shifting in and out of traffic, stealing parking spaces, rushing in and out of crowded buildings. Oh, those moments examining my reflection in the window, pretending it was better than it was, just so I could have the courage to show up; always searching, always trying to figure out, to organize and plan, always moving from one destination to another, but never staying long, and mostly never satisfied.

In these quiet moments, I sink into all of me; the me that I have discovered, by basking in the sun without shrinking from the warmth and intensity, and letting it burn away the clouds of conditioning; cooling myself in the healing rains of new possibility and new vision, and drinking from the Source of it all, letting it trickle right through me as life force.

And I am humbled by the understanding. I am humbled by the worlds of ideas making their home here in my quiet space.

I offer you a place of warmth, to come and sit with all of it, to drink the truth, and to taste its splendor; to live from this place, and to feel the power that comes from fully embracing all of you, by embracing your weaknesses and finding that they were your biggest strengths.

There is nothing you must do at all, so, just let all of it go. Just sit with me in quiet, and enjoy, until something makes you stand up... You will know what to do, and most importantly, where to come back to.

Sweet dreams...