Skip to main content

No Pollyanna


I feel like I need to ground some of this a bit. I want to say that it isn't always easy to see the beauty, that there are moments when things would be much more desirable if they came at me in another way. It would be much easier if I could just have the answers and not have to have so much faith.

Sometimes it takes every part of me to squeeze the beauty and insight out of a situation. I feel frustration, pain, anger, and sadness. The only difference is that I try to see past it to what it might have to show me. I am committed to new vision, because I want to be free. But I am no different than any other human being, even if I funnel all of the beauteous parts into this blog.

I am no different than any mother, having moments when I am driven crazy by my girls, like tonight when we played a board game (which is actually pretty rare--I don't particularly enjoy playing with young kids. I get bored quickly and become overwhelmed by the lack of predictability). My youngest was bouncing off the furniture and knocking the game over. I literally felt sick forcing myself to play under these conditions, but ignored the signs in my body that I should stop--because well, it is like yoga, sometimes those moments are the poses you just can't do, but have to attempt; the ones that make you fall over, but with practice, or the guidance from the right teacher, you realize that you were using the entire wrong set of muscles to hold the pose, and once you get the right muscles working, it becomes easier.

Tonight I wanted to work through the painful pose of a chaotic moment with my girls. I stuck it out with them, forcing myself to play despite the frustration at their noise and having to reset the game board every few minutes-- and you know, it got easier. Easy enough that I had the energy to play another couple of games, and then read them stories. I relaxed more and more into the pose, and then, finally, it was over. And it was clear to me that I had more energy afterwards because I did attempt to work through the pose, versus how I would have felt not having done it all together. Just like those times when I am too tired to go to yoga, but I push through and go anyway, and am amazed at how the work creates more energy, as my body and spirit are heated from within.

So, the question I am working with is how do we know when it will be worth it or not, to actually attempt the pose? That is a hard one. My answer tonight was in looking at the bigger picture with regards to parenting, which has been one of the intentions I've been holding to work through; to see my struggles as a parent from another angle. I have been thinking a lot about what I am learning from the kind of world that I have created with my girls, about what I teach them and what they teach me. I am working on further moving toward an effortless experience with them as I release my old way of doing things and follow a more peaceful path. I realize that so much of how I flow has all to do with me, and very little to do with them.

Because I have worked so hard on tending my sacred space, I have found that I feel naturally ready to bring my children into my garden to play--even if it might take some time before I can fully accept what mischief they might bring with them, even if it takes me a while to really want to gallop around the maypole together. What I see, however, is that our interactions take us to a more loving place, especially if I can see them as I see myself--see us as no different, with the same mind and limiting beliefs and fears, and trust in a bigger perspective; if I can let go of having all of the answers, but to remember that this life is supposed to be joyful.

My girls teach me so much about the mind, and how it works, how it imprisons and limits. They teach me about resisting, wanting, and needing. They teach me about blame and conflict. On the flip side, they teach me about playfulness, unconditional love, creating, pretending, tasting, singing, imagining, experiencing, allowing, and loving.

It is in the moments relating to them that I have the opportunity to practice my awareness of all of this.

It isn't at all easy, but I feel I am learning the most through these most challenging parts of my life. These are the places where I see how strong my attachments are, how high my expectations run, and mostly where I miss the beauty before me while I am in a place of resistance without any allowance for what is.

So, although I am no Pollyanna, I see, that by looking for that unexpected perspective that goes beyond the surface, to find the beauty that exists outside of what is supposed to be, I find the space in which the most significant changes are able to occur. It is here that I find the deepest ability to let go, the space where the openings of the heart expand to allow a much wider playing field, with many more possibilities for experiencing this world together, in genuine joyful and loving ways. It is here that I find my way through the looking glass, into an entirely different reality.

I am truly not ready to push through poses with regards to many things in my life. There are some poses that I just cannot consider right now. But I will wait until the moment is right, when whatever comes up has become the focus of my intentions to manifest change, to open, and most importantly, this will only happen when I am aligned enough with Source, to help me go that extra distance to attempt it, so that even if I fall, I will find the clarity and wisdom that always come from our desire to understand, and from the desire to get up and try again.

Comments

  1. Brooke, I admire you for your ability to see the richness of the realities that we live at the same time. The reality we make present is that we choose to see. You are blessed to see at the same time the perfect simple existence (the world animated by your children) and the other magic: the spiritual path inside.
    You are right, the yoga is just "posture" of our personal being.

    Thank you for this reflexion
    Good luck to your household

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

♥ Thank you for taking the time connect with me here. ♥

Popular posts from this blog

RIP Poltergeist

After over ten years of an incredibly intense journey as a seeker, I find myself lying fallow. Taking a rest. When I first discovered this uncomfortable fact — threat to the hamster wheel that was my spiritual rat race, I surrendered for dead, but something wouldn’t let that fact sit as truth. I was lying fallow, but this implied that after a good rest, fruit could follow. This had nothing to do with death.

I am humbled at the courage it takes to write. For many years I kept a blog read by only a handful of very supportive people, and you’d think that after sharing writing for so long with perfect strangers, writing would have gotten easier. Actually, it got harder. In fact, at one point I was so paralyzed, I just stopped writing altogether. It was just too vulnerable. There was no trust there anymore, and I attributed any courage I had had to my youthful ignorance.

However, life continues, as it inevitably does, and there is still this pang to write, and it grows stronger and strong…

Pillow Talk

Today I felt the familiar pangs of conversing with my body, it forever unyielding to my demands that it shape itself pretty now. That it chase itself back to its few glory days.

I tell my body that I would be ready to appreciate those days of yore now that I know what I missed while vying for the shapes and sizes of the other women around me.

Over and over my mind and I have run this particular proclamation to my body.

Then, we are good on our road, until the mind closes in and starts to overtake my strides.

You'll never make it there, you are too far gone, it taunts. It is too late.It isn't possible for you.

Then, so predictable--it attacks the most vulnerable part of me. The part I hide, keep covered, feel sure is my perfect disgrace: my belly.

The scale tipped in favor of shame today. Shame that I'd let the house of my being become so run down. That I'd let myself use food to comfort me, pick me up, enhance experience-- and that in the process I'd packed on the ext…

Adventure

Another painting I loved making. I had so much fun just layering paint and swirling about.

Adventure has been a big part of my world as of late. In fact, writing this after a long day of skiiing. Where I used to shy away from leaving the house, I've been doing the opposite. Finally really getting to know my beautiful state and bask in its beauty-- hiking to the top of many peaks--sometimes limping the last stretches back to the car. Took my girls camping on the beach without a 'man'  and was so proud when I got the campfire started multiple times. The girls had their doubts I could do it. It was nice to prove them wrong! My most favorite was the day I drove 5 hours to the closest passport office on a wing and a prayer to get a same-day passport (wing and a prayer because they tell you you can drive all that way, but that there is no guarantee they can/will help you) so I could accept an invitation to see the woman's soccer world cup, and within a week was in Vancouver…