Heartspace

Heartspace

The clock pushes 2am
We giggle
Our bodies sinking into
the softness of the bed
ready to welcome
sleep that is unreachable,
even at this witching hour

He reads Pema Chodron to me and
I snuggle him from behind
feeling his warmth
Our minds buzzing,
opening to the possibilities

I feel Christmas wounds
closing
Illusions of reality
resting peacefully
in shallow graves
until next year
when I hope
their haunting
will be laughable

He reaches his book
toward the lamp
seeking the light like
a plant reaching its leaves
to the sun
to complete its
photosynthesis

He says he's a closet believer
and I know he is

I feel it when he puts his hand
on my thigh
to steady me as I read him
my words
streaming with love
for a life and a family,
for a word that
at the moment
I wear inside
'believe'

I feel it as we look out
onto the horizon together
and take in the
breathtaking view
of the valley
sprinkled by
sugary snow

I feel it as we hope that
no one will ever destroy
this beauty before us
as I give thanks to
painters, poets, and sages
who will keep it alive
even if they can't
save it

I feel it as he tells me
I am following the right path

I see that even the unlikeliest
of men are seeking the sun
to warm them and
to make them feel whole
And I marvel at it

I accept that
part of our souls,
the ones that matter,
will find each other
just like a child will learn to walk

It happens naturally
in time
when we are ready