Photo by LynI don't know your name, but your story is familiar, and I am so glad that our paths crossed tonight. I am so glad that there in the beauty supply shop, where we all go hoping that our beauty will be supplied, I met you.
I had no idea that you were dying inside. You smiled as you talked about the war with your gray hairs, coming on much too early. "I am right there with you!" I said. And then with a serious smile, you talked about how painful it was for you to be so ugly, (which you weren't). You said you almost wanted to go home and commit suicide. You laughed, but I knew it wasn't funny. You had parked your car at the curb, just to run in quickly, because you didn't have the strength to unstrap your little ones and bring them into the store. You had to find your sanity, hoping that it might be contained in a little tube of hair color. You apologized, admonishing your mothering, and that you shouldn't be out in public anyway, looking like you did.
And there I was, hoping to buy my shampoo and rush out, because I also didn't feel presentable, in light of my acne eruption across my chin, and my yoga clothes that surely must have shrunk in the dryer. Had you been living my life? Were you there this morning when I dropped my daughter off at her first day of school, wanting to be fully present with the wonder of her starting second grade, but feeling that I had to hide my chin with my hair, and hoping my clothes looked loose enough, but not too loose, not making eye-contact, caught off guard that my power had deserted me. I was frustrated that I couldn't spend three minutes situating my daughter without this monkey on my back. Perhaps a haircut was the solution, was my dominant thought, reasoning, though, that it might not be long enough to cover my chin! I'd tried to find comfort by willing my face to heal, and my body to shrink. It was bound to happen sometime. It had to happen! I propelled myself into a hopeful state, and was therefore, sentenced to an entire day with the drone of my thoughts, playing over and over, to plan my escape.
So, it was very unexpected when I met you, or rather met me. I think you rather stopped my thoughts right in their tracks.
Would you believe me if I told you that I was transfixed by your beauty?
We stood there, two perfect strangers in an embrace, tears streaming down your face, and I wonder if you'll ever know how much love I had for you, how much compassion I felt at the weight of your heart. How I admired your courage to be so honest, and how I saw the sweetness of our meeting, as having come to pass, just at the perfect time for both of us; how clear it was to me that it was no accident to have been there at that moment with you; how sure I was that the people we meet come into our lives for a reason, and how we are always teaching and being taught. Ahhhh, words cannot do this justice. It is beyond any words. It is truth, and every soul is reaching for it, as they tire of the pain and the darkness.
How simple it is in the end, the moment when we help another see through the illusion, to the outer space of our thoughts, and what a celebration to find out that all this time we were being thought, and that most of our thoughts were crap, wasted airtime, a really bad circus, that we didn't have to watch!
Darling Soul, you thanked me, but it is I who want to thank you, for reminding me that we are never, ever, ever, ever, alone.
Know this, sweet sister, I am with you. I feel your pain, and there is an end to the suffering. Just let this wisdom bubble up to the surface. It is already there, coming out of the shadows for you. It comes slowly, because we wouldn't be able to accept it all at once. It will come more and more into focus for you. Just be patient, and start noticing the moments, that feel unreal; those miraculous moments when you meet that perfect stranger who sees you for you, because this is what is real. And this understanding will never leave you, it will only get stronger. There is peace, there is joy, and there is freedom, and there is no reason to ever feel alone. Soon, no one will need to hide. This will be our gift to our children.
There were many witnesses to our moment tonight, including my children, and it was a moment that they will not soon forget.
Thank you dear one. May this night be a peaceful one for you.
I had no idea that you were dying inside. You smiled as you talked about the war with your gray hairs, coming on much too early. "I am right there with you!" I said. And then with a serious smile, you talked about how painful it was for you to be so ugly, (which you weren't). You said you almost wanted to go home and commit suicide. You laughed, but I knew it wasn't funny. You had parked your car at the curb, just to run in quickly, because you didn't have the strength to unstrap your little ones and bring them into the store. You had to find your sanity, hoping that it might be contained in a little tube of hair color. You apologized, admonishing your mothering, and that you shouldn't be out in public anyway, looking like you did.
And there I was, hoping to buy my shampoo and rush out, because I also didn't feel presentable, in light of my acne eruption across my chin, and my yoga clothes that surely must have shrunk in the dryer. Had you been living my life? Were you there this morning when I dropped my daughter off at her first day of school, wanting to be fully present with the wonder of her starting second grade, but feeling that I had to hide my chin with my hair, and hoping my clothes looked loose enough, but not too loose, not making eye-contact, caught off guard that my power had deserted me. I was frustrated that I couldn't spend three minutes situating my daughter without this monkey on my back. Perhaps a haircut was the solution, was my dominant thought, reasoning, though, that it might not be long enough to cover my chin! I'd tried to find comfort by willing my face to heal, and my body to shrink. It was bound to happen sometime. It had to happen! I propelled myself into a hopeful state, and was therefore, sentenced to an entire day with the drone of my thoughts, playing over and over, to plan my escape.
So, it was very unexpected when I met you, or rather met me. I think you rather stopped my thoughts right in their tracks.
Would you believe me if I told you that I was transfixed by your beauty?
We stood there, two perfect strangers in an embrace, tears streaming down your face, and I wonder if you'll ever know how much love I had for you, how much compassion I felt at the weight of your heart. How I admired your courage to be so honest, and how I saw the sweetness of our meeting, as having come to pass, just at the perfect time for both of us; how clear it was to me that it was no accident to have been there at that moment with you; how sure I was that the people we meet come into our lives for a reason, and how we are always teaching and being taught. Ahhhh, words cannot do this justice. It is beyond any words. It is truth, and every soul is reaching for it, as they tire of the pain and the darkness.
How simple it is in the end, the moment when we help another see through the illusion, to the outer space of our thoughts, and what a celebration to find out that all this time we were being thought, and that most of our thoughts were crap, wasted airtime, a really bad circus, that we didn't have to watch!
Darling Soul, you thanked me, but it is I who want to thank you, for reminding me that we are never, ever, ever, ever, alone.
Know this, sweet sister, I am with you. I feel your pain, and there is an end to the suffering. Just let this wisdom bubble up to the surface. It is already there, coming out of the shadows for you. It comes slowly, because we wouldn't be able to accept it all at once. It will come more and more into focus for you. Just be patient, and start noticing the moments, that feel unreal; those miraculous moments when you meet that perfect stranger who sees you for you, because this is what is real. And this understanding will never leave you, it will only get stronger. There is peace, there is joy, and there is freedom, and there is no reason to ever feel alone. Soon, no one will need to hide. This will be our gift to our children.
There were many witnesses to our moment tonight, including my children, and it was a moment that they will not soon forget.
Thank you dear one. May this night be a peaceful one for you.
This is so beautiful, my friend.
ReplyDeleteWhat a treasure you are. How lucky that sweet woman was to bump into your loving heart. What a blessing you are to all those who are lucky enough to cross your path. Lucky, lucky me. :)
Amen. What lucky girls you have to have witnessed their mom being there. Real and open to receive the moment and a story. A reminder of this beautiful life to live!
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